The Birth Of A Long Weekend

Let us celebrate a three day weekend of great importance and the many wonderful things that have fallen on these historical days!

Best of the week: When Soul Daddy — the business started by “America’s Next Great Restaurant” winner Jamawn Woods, closed its doors in New York and Los Angeles to focus on “building the brand and developing operations” at its remaining location at the Mall of America, what do you think the outcome was going to be? If you guessed the Minnesota restaurant would shut down this week after less than two months of operation, congratulations - you've won a free dinner for two at...oh, never mind.


Fortunately, Woods is still an employee (technically) at the Chrysler automobile assembly plant in Michigan. When Woods made the finals of the reality TV show, Chrysler granted him a one year leave of absence to pursue his dream. The company intends to hold up their side of the bargain, if Woods wants to come back to work as a fork lift operator. How many entrepreneurs can operate heavy machinery after spectacularly flaming out?


Best bonus links:


• Old Fear Factor Host Will Host New Fear Factor - Nobody can encourage hot girls to eat horse chode like Joe Rogan!


• David Cameron's Friend Found Dead At UK Music Fest - How do I not link an article that opens with, "A close friend of the British prime minister was found dead in a portable toilet at one of the country's leading music festivals Sunday, authorities said."


• Brady Bunch Mom Got Crabs In Affair With NY Mayor - There's likely a joke about stuffing the ballot box in there somewhere...


• Ballpoint Pen That Draws Electronic Circuits - Now you can flick your Bic on and off!


• SC Police: Baby Died From Morphine In Breast Milk - That's why I always drink 2% morphine breast milk.


• Kim Hyun's Dice Figures - This show will not be on display in Las Vegas, for obvious reasons.


• 25 Of The Worst Celebrity Tweets Of All-Time - They're all bad, but here's 25 of them.


• Foursquare Application Turns New York City Into A Giant Game Of RISK - Hopefully they'll find a way to make the boroughs battle for real.


• A Field Guide To Musical Typography - For those about to rock, we Sans Serif you.


• Ranking The Top 10 Hockey Fights Of 2010-11 - Like a typical boxing match, but no fixed outcomes.


• Octomom Hates Each Of Her 14 Kids - So do I. And her for good measure.


• Transformers 3 Is Down 40 Percent From 2 - The public has spoken, "Fool me twice, shame on you..."


• Gilbert Arenas Really Loves Planking - Not bad for a guy who brought firearms to his locker room.


• Does This Look Like The Face Of A Woman Who Beat Up Her Husband Then Sprayed Her Tit Milk All Over The Cops Face? - Lucky for them, there was no morphine in it.


• Glenn Beck Has Last Fox News Channel Show / Glenn Beck And Family Encounter Hostility In NYC - It's called reaping what you sow, asshole. Your welcome has completely worn out.


• The Bizarre Musical Instruments Behind Classic Sci-Fi Movie Sounds - Learning to play them is harder than it sounds.


• Are Major Gay Pornstars With Trannies The New Trend (SUPER NSFW and hardcore) - Um, is this a question that requires answering? Who is asking, anyway?


Worst of the week: Riverside County Supervisor Jeff Stone has called his county and 12 others to secede from California. Only the word "shithole" would miss being associated with Riverside.


Stone said in a statement late Thursday that Riverside, Imperial, San Diego, Orange, San Bernardino, Kings, Kern, Fresno, Tulare, Inyo, Madera, Mariposa and Mono counties should form the new state of South California. Ah, the gems of the south! The creation of the new state would "allow officials to focus on securing borders, balancing budgets, improving schools and creating a vibrant economy", he said. As the dingleberries of the southern part of our state, without the rest of the state propping you up any longer, how are you going to accomplish that? Your meth output is not enough to support you (though it is a major influence in your communities).


Stone will present his proposal to the Board of Supervisors mid-July, but said his new state would have no term limits, only a part-time legislature and limits on property taxes. The reality is this came on the same day that governor Jerry Brown signed budget legislation that will divert about $14 million in 2011-12 vehicle license fee revenue from four new Riverside County cities (Eastvale, Jurupa Valley, Menifee and Wildomar). Nice stunt, but you've got a better chance trying to get absorbed by Mexico than splitting from the state...not that you'd be missed.


And: An Indiana doctor and his second wife were killed in a plane crash in northern Michigan, eight years he killed his wife and two other children in another crash. And I thought the only folks with that many murderous crashes were Kennedys.


Stephen Hatch and his current wife, Kim, did not survive, but his 16-year-old son, Austin, was seriously injured. Austin had survived the earlier crash near Fort Wayne, where they had been returning from the family's summer home on Walloon Lake — the same place they were headed to when their single-engine plane flew into a garage.


His medical practice partner said "He was such a strong proponent of flying and teaching people to fly...I think he felt compelled to continue his passion. He felt compelled to show people that accidents do happen. He didn't want people to look in the other direction." Ahhh, the hubris of a doctor, who felt his passion could overcome his shortcomings as an aviator.


A 2005 federal report on the September 2003 crash found inaccurate preflight planning resulted in the plane not having enough fuel, and the National Transportation Safety Board determined a utility pole the airplane hit during its forced landing (along with a low ceiling and dark night) also contributed to the crash. Hatch purchased Smith Field Airport, along with its service center and flight school, yet he should have attended, rather than owned. They could have shown him that medicine can help you play God, but doesn't mean you can play pilot.


Worst bonus links:


• RI Governor Pardons Irish Man Hanged In 1845 - C'mon, I thought you wanted to be taken seriously as a state?


• Slimy Invasion Plagues Jersey Shore - Looks like the cast of the MTV show is back from filming in Italy.


• Muslim Accuses Abercrombie Of Banning Head Scarf - It's a store for polos with popped collars, not political statements. Wear the attire or work elsewhere.


• Los Angeles Dodgers File For Bankruptcy - I don't even care for baseball and this bothers me. May Frank and Jaime McCourt die penniless.


• Mathematicians Want To Say Goodbye To Pi - Nerds, you give away the only interesting thing about your field, how else are you going to make double entendres?


• Abortion Clinics May Shutter Tomorrow In Kansas - You can't rely on tornadoes to get rid of your unwanted children.


• China To Launch Panda Census - How hard can it be to know how many of an endangered species are in captivity?


• 17 Infants Die In 48 Hours At 1 Indian Hospital - Or as they call it, Wednesday. Don't bathe in the Ganges!


• Zynga Files For IPO Of Up To $1 Billion - Your Farmville crops are not worth that much.


• New York Seeks To Lift Fracking Moratorium - Only because there is a BSG reference to be made do I link this. Who care about shale?


• NBA Lockout Looms As Sides Fail To Reach Deal - Y'all are going to find hockey real interesting once there's no football or basketball this winter!


• Co-founder Biz Stone Leaving Twitter - Wonderful, now we'll get another awful, unnecessary tech company.


• Authorities ID Man Fatally Shot In South LA - Finally, we can start referring to this black youth as John Doe.


• Newsweek Ages Diana To 50 In Ultimate Photoshop Disaster - Not just creepy, but a shitty job at it too.  At least it wasn't the car crash photo.


• Real World Star Puck Arrested In Domestic Violence Case - It was only a matter of time before he ended up in front of the camera again...for a mug shot.


• Young Female Journalist Embeds As Cosplay Maid To Cover Anime Convention - I gained and lost interest in this link twice as I read it through.

• Pond Insect 'Loudest Animal On Earth' - Looks like the Kardashians were bested again.