Best of the week:
How'd Pedobear get into the mascot lineup for the 2010 Vancouver Olympics in this highly esteemed Polish newspaper? Who cares! That's awesome!
And apparently, not everyone was quick to catch the mistake. DeportesSpain.com has since posted an Olympic-related article including the same Google Image Search Pedobear illustration. Let this be a lesson in doing your research...and totally blowing it on a global scale.
Plus: Lindsay Lohan is a giant fuck up. She is repeatedly rumored to be on the brink of poverty and has no money, because no one will hire her. And no one will hire her because she’s an irresponsible brat. Do you have any guesses what happened when Austrian billionaire Richard Lugner offered her $150,000 to attend the Vienna Opera Ball (in the past he’s hired Paris Hilton, Carmen Electra and Pam Anderson).
Even she could swing that one, right? It's easy:
Step One: Take a first class flight to London
Step Two: Go to a party
Step Three: Cash a check for $150,000.
Needless to say she fucked everything up long before step one. Lohan was two hours late for her flight. Because she was shopping. And then she couldn’t get on another flight (either because they were full or she couldn’t afford it), so she went to Marmount and got drunk with her 16-year-old sister until 4am.
Brendon at WWTDD cautioned that none of this should be a surprise. "Lindsay could screw up even the simplest of plans. If you offered her a million dollars to put on a hat and stand on a box, you’d come back 5 minutes later to find she bought a million dollar hat and was trapped under the box.
Also: It's nice to see the little guy push a bully back. Take the case of Heavy Ink, an independent comic book publisher.
Hey folks, I thought you might be interested to hear that we received a letter demanding that we take down a web page and destroy all copies of a certain comic.
Here’s the lawyer’s letter:
Here’s my response:
From: tjic
Subject: Olivia Munn
Nigel,
Re: your letter of 4 February 2010 regarding
I write to clear up some misconceptions.
First, the item offered for sale is not “our” comic book – it is created by a third party and offered for sale through our website.
I have never heard of Olivia Munn until you brought her to my attention, but a quick web search turns up a Wikipedia article describing her thusly
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olivia_Munn : Olivia Munn (born Lisa Olivia Munn) is an American actress, model and television personality.and her self promoting web page at http://www.oliviamunn.com/, where she displays near topless pictures and links to a cover shot at Maxim magazine.
Given these two websites, it is clear that she is a public figure. As a public figure, the use of her likeness meets the tests for the parody copyright exception set forth in both Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music, Inc. and the more recent Suntrust v. Houghton Mifflin.
As such, we have no intention of taking down our webpage, destroying any inventory, or refusing to offer the comic for sale.
If you have any further comments you may reach me at this email address,
Travis Corcoran, President
Heavy Ink
Suck it, legal bitches!
And: Abel LeBlanc, a Liberal member of the Canadian New Brunswick legislative assembly, was thrown out of the room yesterday after he gave a rival politician the finger, called her a liar, and then asked the entire parliament to "go outside" (presumably for some sort of great white north beatdown).
The quotes below give you a taste of the outburst, but you owe it to yourself to download the audio, which Cory Doctorow edited out of the CBC As it Happens Podcast and uploaded to the Internet Archive for your enjoyment. Remix gold. Ringtone city. Listen to the rage. Just listen to it.
"I'll not apologize in this house for that young lady over there," he said, before accusing Blaney of telling lies about Saint John-Fundy MLA Stuart Jamieson. Jamieson was asked to step down as tourism minister on Friday for suggesting the controversial deal between NB Power and Hydro-Québec should go to a referendum. LeBlanc did not elaborate on the alleged lies before extending his middle finger again at another Tory MLA and shaking his fist.
"I'm gonna tell you, Dale [Graham, Tory MLA for Carleton], I'll walk outside with any one of yas here," LeBlanc said. "Don't ever laugh at me. Yes, I gave you that. And I'll give you that again. And I'll give you this if you want to go outside. You're a punk!"
Best picture of the week:
amazing and unsettling
Best bonus links:
• Marines Push 'The Breacher' Against Taliban Lines - Sounds like a sex toy, which should make the campaign victory even more satisfying and insulting .
• Google To Build Ultra-Fast Broadband Networks - And I will use them to download even more films, music, and television programs!
• Riverside Police Chief Resigns After Accident - It was the shame of the accident, and surprisingly not for being in Riverside.
• Charlie Sheen Charged With 3 Felonies In Alleged Assault On Wife In Aspen - And yet, no charges for his work in "Two And A Half Men"
• Italian Catholic Scandal Draws In Pope Benedict - A corpse rots from the head up, not just the neck down. Though not as interesting as that Di Vinci nonsense.
• Suspected Serial Killer To Show Clip From 'The Dating Game' In Santa Ana Courtroom - "Bachelor #2, how would you dismember our bachelorette?"
• White House Vows 'Multiple' Attacks On Asian Carp - Because our government has it's priorities straight. Who says we can't fight a war on two fronts?
• Thief Robs Arcade With Cup Of Coffee - Makes off with creamer, a stir stick, and 24 tickets to redeem for a stuffed animal.
• Vonn Using Painkillers, Cheese To Treat Shin - One of those sounds unorthodox, but I just don't know which.
• L.A. Sees Big Jump In Bike Thefts, Prompting Some Vigilante Justice - Bike chains and the Kryptonite locks make for excellent weapons. Who's the Charles Bronson of Lance Armstrongs?
• Welcome To Sallywood: Iconic LA Landmark Gets Facelift - The oldest bitch in the city finally has some work done...and will still look less stiff than other 20 year olds.
• Pink Ouija Board Targeting Young Girls Riles Critics - How dare the dead be contacted in such pretty pink colors! That's offensive!
• Spanish Reality TV: Incestual Rape - Proving that all reunions for reality shows are not quite happy ones.
• Anthrax-Laced Heroin Kills Users - Here's a little extra kick to your high. Is there a problem with that?
• Man Gets 25 To Life For Throwing Bride Off Palos Verdes Cliff - Just following up on this story that we mentioned a few months back. In his defense, it was faster than a divorce.
• Cocaine Found Hidden Among Valentine Roses - Very, very happy Valentines day.
Worst of the week: The Winter Games are starting, and already there's a dark cloud being cast over the events.
Nodar Kumaritashvili, a 21-year-old luger from the former Soviet republic of Georgia, died from head injuries as a result of a horrific crash near the finish line. Kumaritashvili was traveling close to 90 mph when he hit a wall, catapulted into the air, and hit an unpadded steel pole. Medics rushed to his aid, performed chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, and, within eight minutes, he was emergency air-lifted to a local hospital where he was pronounced dead.
Prior to Kumaritashvili's crash, Romanian luger Violeta Stramaturaru had crashed into several walls and was unconscious for a short time—she appears to have no serious side effects. But the criticisms of this track—the world's fastest—had already begun. While natives feel right at home on Whistler's Sliding Track and its twisting, infamous turns, other nations' athletes are not familiar with, for example, "50-50"—a nickname for turn 13—which are the odds of leaving that turn without an accident.
It is a shame to have what should be a festive occasion marred by an accident, but hopefully the Olympic spirit and competition will rise above this black mark.
Plus: The Pamela Anderson career freefall may have reached terminal velocity. Following up her appearance at a Rite-Aid in Pennsylvania last month, her next target for mass exposure? Sears.
Southern California shoppers who happen to be picking up power tools or car tires over the weekend might run into the once primo blonde at The Del Amo Fashion Mall Sears in Torrance or the South Coast Plaza Sears in Costa Mesa. Pam will be promoting her fragrance, "Malibu". Because when you think of a coastal fragrance, Tommy Lee's blonde cock sheath doesn't necessarily spring to mind. I can only imagine it smells like suntan lotion, peroxide bleach, and a Vietnamese nail salon
Also: Saudi religious police launched a nationwide crackdown on stores selling items that are red or in any other way allude to the banned celebrations of Valentine's Day. Finally there's somebody who likes love less than Famous-Ex.
Members of the feared religious police were inspecting shops for red roses, heart-shaped products or gifts wrapped in red, and ordering storeowners to get rid of them, an official said. He spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to reporters - and also took contraband so that he had something to give his wife so he could still get laid.
Red-colored or heart-shaped items are legal at other times of the year, but become contraband in Saudi Arabia as the 14th. The kingdom bans celebration of Western holidays such as Valentine's Day, named after a Christian saint said to have been martyred by the Romans in the 3rd Century. C'mon guys, loosen up and try to have some fun.
Most shops in Riyadh's upscale neighborhoods have removed all red items from their shelves, and a statement by the religious police, informally known as the muttawa, was published in Saudi newspapers, warning shop owners against any violations. "Those who don't comply will be punished," a statement said, without spelling out what measures would befall the offenders.
The Valentine's Day prohibition is in line with Saudi's strict Wahhabi school of Islam that the kingdom has followed for more than a century. The birthplace of Islam also bans several Muslim holidays except the two most important ones because it considers them "religious innovations" that Islam doesn't sanction. Even birthdays and Mother's Day are frowned on by the religious establishment, although people almost never get punished for celebrating them. Many Saudis, who still want to mark the popular Valentine's, do their shopping weeks before the holiday and the buzzkill fatwa.
Attitudes toward Valentine's Day vary across the Arab world, with devout Muslims opposing the holiday as a Western celebration of romantic love that corrupts Muslim youth. Yep, that's love. In contrast, the Egyptian capital Cairo has shops and restaurants going overboard in red ribbon and heart decorations. Dubai, the conservative Muslim city-state with a Western outlook, is every year taken over by a Valentine craze. Luxury hotels are draped in red, offering romantic dinner specials. Malls and cafes are decorated with giant hearts and flower shops offer promotional deals on roses and fancy bouquets.
Apparently prompted by the Saudi ban, a group in the Philippines advocating the welfare of Filipino overseas workers — a million of whom work in Saudi Arabia and another million elsewhere in the Middle East — cautioned its countrymen to celebrate Valentine's Day only in private and refrain from publicly greeting anyone with "Happy Valentine's" across the region.
And: If you want a pillow and blanket in coach on American Airlines, it's going to cost you EIGHT GODDAMN DOLLARS!
They plan to charge in coach class for domestic trips and some international flights longer than two hours, beginning May 1. The international flights are to and from Canada, Mexico, Hawaii, the Caribbean and Central America.
The company said it was as an economic decision. "American evaluates all aspects of the business to ensure that economic decisions are prudent and strategic for the long-term success of the company." See, that proves it. Blankets will remain complimentary in premium-class cabins and in all cabins for other international flights. The airline will sell a blue fleece blanket with an inflatable neck pillow in a clear zippered pouch, and will throw in coupon for $10 off a $30 purchase at Bed, Bath and Beyond - the probable impetus behind the change.
JetBlue and US Airways charge $7 for a blanket-and-pillow set, with US Airways adding eye shades and earplugs - which still doesn't make it right. Airlines have steadily added and increased fees for other services such as checking luggage and buying tickets from a reservation agent since 2008, and American parent AMR Corp. lost $1.47 billion last year — and $3.59 billion in the past two years. Maybe it's the pay-to-play service model they created.
Worst picture of the week:
actually, no
Worst bonus links:
• Howard Stern Confirms He's In Talks To Judge Idol - I liked when he was judging it without being on the show. Howard knows fart and dick jokes, but pop music? I don't think so.
• 'Milkshake Murder' Verdict Overturned - I don't know exactly where the milkshake ties in, but it can't be good. Because milkshakes are delicious and murder, not so much...
• Vampire Author Anne Rice Set To Release Video Book - Video book = oxymoron. Anne Rice relevance = zero.
• 'Great White' Attack Was Docile Carpet Shark - Which causes almost as much undue hysteria as the furniture stingray.
• British Fashion Designer McQueen Found Dead At 40 / McQueen Death Leaves Succession Problems - It's McQueen, not the Queen. Is there a Dutchess of Patternmaking in line for his throne? I guess being faboulous and famous isn't always enough.
• Olivia Newton-John Tops List Of Sexiest Songs - "Physical"? I loves me some ON-J (especially Xanadu), but there are far better songs. Something that is more suited to kareoke than kama sutra just excentuates it.
• Nobel-Winning Physicist Says Time Can't Run Backward - You can't go back in time to prevent getting that STD, but you can jump forward to when that gal becomes legal.
• Discovery Channel: 'Deadliest Catch' Captain Dies - Apparently, catching a clot thrown of from a stroke is the deadliest.
• Lil Wayne Sentencing Postponed For Dental Reasons - If he just went to jail, they'd remove his grill for free.
• French Intellectual Caught Quoting Fake Philosopher - Qu'est-ce qui se bullshit? Pro - you always have a quote that is relevant and totally fitting. Con - Eventually folks will catch on if you keep referencing Steve the cat.
• Celine Dion Coming Back To Vegas For 3-Year Stint - In related news, I plan to avoid Las Vegas for the next three years.
• Girl, 7, Gets OK To Be Samba Queen In Rio Carnival / Shootout In Rio Slum Ahead Of Carnival; 8 Dead - Ain't no party like a Brazilian party!
• Sweet Tooth in Children May Be Linked to Alcoholism - It's terrible to think that they want to eat a bunch of sugar along with the burden of excessive drinking
• Haiti Gives Death Toll Of 270,000; No Explanation - Here, let me help; it was an already super-impoverished deathtrap before the deadly earthquake...the math does itself.
• Lauren Conrad Tops Bestsellers List Again - America must be destroyed. There's no other solution.
• Bachelor's Tenley Withheld Sex From Ex-Husband - And that's why you were divorced and are now looking for a husband on a reality television show.
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