Best of the week: The most recent installment of "Sarah Palin gets mad at some comment made about her" lands on the “Family Guy” doorstep. If you're like me and haven't watched the show for years because it's not as funny anymore, the deal is last week's show featured a character with Down syndrome who said, “My dad’s an accountant, and my mom’s the former governor of Alaska.” (Watch it here.)Naturally, Palin got all pissy about someone talking about her retard baby Trig, because being sensitive about Down syndrome is as current as "Life Goes On" episodes. But the story finally gets interesting when Andrea Fay Friedman, the actress with Down syndrome who delivered the line in question, wrote an email to several different news outlets addressing the controversy:
I guess former Governor Palin does not have a sense of humor. I thought the line “I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska” was very funny. I think the word is “sarcasm.” In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. My mother did not carry me around under her arm like a loaf of French bread the way former Governor Palin carries her son Trig around looking for sympathy and votes.
Also: Enemies Of Reason turned the tables on the scummy web theives who wholesale ganked their postings:
I'm writing this post in the hope that the dirty thieving bastard scumbag sons-of-bitches at legal-sleaze.com (please don't visit the site - the fuckers don't deserve any traffic of any kind whatsoever; and it's full of adverts and will slow your computer down) will chimp-mindedly go and copy it word for word and put it on their site, just as they have done with every other fucking post I've written in the past few days. Every. Single. Post.
Here's the thing. I don't mind if people ask, and they want my posts to put on their own commercial sites, so long as they give me a link back. I've done so before with Liberal Conspiracy, New Statesman and Anorak. Happy to do so. Don't mind at all. So long as it's the odd post here and there, every now and then. But the scum at legal-sleaze.com have decided they can't even be fucked to do that - they'd rather just C&V the entirety of someone else's work - presumably because they haven't got any fucking ability to write anything entertaining or interesting of their own, and because they've got no fucking manners at all. I mean, look at this, in their 'humor' section:
Don't they look exactly the same as posts I did over the weekend? It's one thing to nick the odd post - we can all overlook that - but the whole fucking blog? That really takes the fucking biscuit. So here's a challenge to legal-sleaze.com - if you want to use every single post off someone else's blog on your ad-heavy site without asking them permission, occasionally even pretending it's your own work by saying it was written by 'admin' rather than by me, you'd better be prepared to be kicked in the balls. Go on, stick this fucking post up, saying what a shower of total cunts you are. Go on. I dare you. I fucking double dare you.
You know what? I pity you. I feel sorry for you that you don't have the talent, or skill, or simple ability to work hard at something, to do it for yourself. You'd much rather just use other people's hard work - believe it or not, writing this shit three or four times a day takes time that could be spent doing more productive or interesting things - and then plonk it all on your site, copying everything down to the related posts, which aren't even tremendously related. I feel sorry for people who don't have the ability to write anything interesting themselves, and would rather harvest other people's output for use on their site, because they're lazy, and noncreative, and probably smell of wee. There! There, I've said it! Now you'll be angry!
Two years' work, this fucking blog. Don't you dare think you can just go and copy it all, and I won't get upset. Fuck you. Fuck you, and all your friends, and everyone you've ever met, and your families, and everyone that knows them as well. Fuck everyone you bump into in the street today. Fuck all of them. Fuck you, most of all. Jesus, it's not even as if I don't understand; we all need to get a bit of content from somewhere, sometimes. But harvesting the entire output of a blogger, just because you can't think of anything to write yourself? Fuck you in the eye. If you think I'm good enough to put on your site, you should think I'm good enough to write a polite email to, asking if you can put posts on your site.
And do you know what? If you had done that, I might have said yes. But no - you couldn't even be fucked to do that. You couldn't be fucked to bother with any kind of interaction with another human being. That would be too much fucking effort for you. You fucking piss-drinking slags! Take my content down now, you fuckers, and we'll leave it at that. Keep nicking it, and I'll just have to get nasty with you.
*update* The stupid fuckers must be doing it automatically, because...
...and it's on their front page as well.
One name who wasn't part of the project - and who wished the 1985 charity anthem remain untouched - was Jay-Z.
"I know everybody is gonna take this wrong: 'We Are the World,' I love it, and I understand the point and think it's great. But I think 'We Are the World' is like [Michael Jackson's] 'Thriller' to me. I don't ever wanna see it touched," Jay-Z said. No, I took it right. Don't remake it.
"I'm a fan of music. I know the plight and everything that's going on in Haiti. I applaud the efforts: [Millions have been raised] through text [donations] to Haiti," he continued. "So I appreciate the efforts and everything, but 'We Are The World' is [musically] untouchable like 'Thriller' is untouchable. Some things are just untouchable. It was a valiant effort, but for me, it's gonna be untouchable."
As far as Jay-Z is concerned, an all-new song would've been a better way to go. Agreed. "I would have loved that idea better," he added. "As everyone knows, I have tremendous respect for Quincy Jones. Of course, I think he's genius, as everyone else does. [But] I think it's time for us to make a new [song]." He did create a new song to help raise funds for Haiti, which he debuted during the "Hope for Haiti" telethon in January. "I didn't try to make 'We Are The World,' but I tried to make our take on how we felt."
It really was the worst...and the preceding 20 proves it.
Best picture of the week:
like science or somethingBest bonus links:
• Best ‘Stripper Cop’ Skating Routine Ever - Strangely, I'm interested in women's figure skating and routing for Finland.
• Girl, 15, safe after falling under alleged predator's spell - How safe after being raped and sexually assaulted for three weeks? Is the moral not to talk to strangers at the train station or no runaway after your parents tell you you're using the cell phone too much?
• Crystal Clear Video of Sonic Boom At Recent Atlas V Launch - It's like a ring of awesome.
• BBC Host Arrested For Murder - It was just one mercy killing, and it was his gay lover. He didn't even say who it was or when.
• Kentucky Man Charged With Threatening Obama In Web Poem - More surprising that someone in Kentucky knows how to read and write English is the fact they could phrase it in the form of poetry.
• Unemployed Ohio Man Chills Out In Extreme Igloo - If you've been out of work for almost a year, it's not that you "needed a project to stay busy", you should have been looking for a job.
• Former Riverside Police Chief Was Drinking At Strip Club Before Accident, Club Lawyer Says - Four whiskeys and chicken wings? Who eats food at a titty bar anyway? Especially in Riverside?
• Frail Boy-King Tut Died From Malaria, Broken Leg - And that's not to mention the cleft palate, club foot, and brother and sister parents. The pharaoh was a pussy.
• Porn Star Claims Tiger Woods Impregnated Her Twice - For having some familiarity with these so-called adult actresses, I can't validate the claims of somebody who was in the business for three years that I never heard of once until the scandal broke. Only 18 credits in that time? Please, there are whores who tripled that in less time, and I wouldn't trust them to give me the correct time of day.
• The Internet Will Make You Smarter, Say Experts - If that's the case, then for the amount I am the interweb, I'm a super genius!
• …But Who Will Laugh At Leno’s Jokes? - Now, nobody.
• Limp Wrists And Tight Fists: What Your Handshake Says About You - It's says, "ouch - you're crushing my delicate tootsies!"
• UC Studies Find Promise In Medical Marijuana - The study with the most obvious results, right after "College girls react to consumption of alcohol".
• Artists Behind Oscar-Nominated Songs Won't Perform - The organizers should get an award for keeping Randy Newman off the stage.
• Suspect In Ax Slaying Tells Police He Blacked Out - Completely understandable. I blackout too when there's violent, bloody murders too.
• Scientists Use Tiny Discs To Shake Brain Cancer Cells To Death - Those discs? Good Charlotte albums. Finally, they have a positive use!
• 2 Killed In LA Crash After Stealing Valentines - Instant karmic payback...keep the change.
Worst of the week: Looks like the tans and tits aren't the only fake things on "Jersey Shore".
In the face of controversy with Italian-American groups, Snooki and JWoww have finally admitted that they're both not even really Italian. Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi (at least that sounds Italian) and Jenni "JWoww" Farley (that does not) came clean on Fox's Strategy Room. J-Woww says she's Spanish and Irish, while Snooki is Chilean.
The MTV reality show was slammed in the media for perpetuating "negative stereotypes", which apparently they are doing if their cast isn't genuinely Italian. It's bad enough that "reality" shows are cast to create conflicts, edited to make events seem more dramatic, and have writers. Perhaps they ought to be a little more honest in what they call the shows...here's a list of aptly renamed ones.
"The Bachelor" = "Desparate Women"
"The Hills" = "Rich White Assholes"
"The Girls Next Door" = "Young Dumb Girls Forced To Sleep With Hef"
"The Apprentice" = "Has Been Office"
"Tool Academy" = "Girls With Low Self Esteem And The Douches They Date"
"The Real World" = Gay, Drunk, And Crazy Roommates"
"Keeping Up with the Kardashians" = "The Fame Whore Family"
Plus: "Think before you tweet. You might not be aware of how much information you're revealing." That's the message from the founders of Please Rob Me, a website launched on this week that illustrates just how easy it is to rob people blind on the basis of the information they're posting on the Web. If assholes like them are aggrigating the information for people to find.
The site uses streams of data from Foursquare, an location-based social network that is based on a game-like premise. People use smart phones or laptops to "check in" to a location, recording their position on a map for friends using the service to see. The more often you check in, the better your chances of being declared the mayor of a particular location, be it a restaurant, bar, office or even your own home (that's exciting, being the mayor of my house). The problem comes when users also post these locations to Twitter.
"We saw people checking in at their home addresses, or even worse, those of their friends and family," says Boy van Amstel says, one of the founders of Please Rob Me. Dude, your name is Boy, and your last name is a beer - this whole thing is irrelivant.
But the trouble isn't having a name that makes people want to kick your ass even if they've never met you, its that they monitor the latest posts of users sharing their locations and rebroadcast it. That's not a warning, that's being an accomplice. And a dick. What's the matter, Boy? Is that more fun that putting signs on cars in the parking lot when their windows are open or have doors unlocked so thaey are easier to steal?
Also: An 87-year-old WWII veteran named Robert Leeder recently suffered a stroke that paralyzed half his body and forced him to move into a nursing home. When his son Andre called DirecTV to cancel Robert’s service, DirecTV charged him an extra $400 for terminating the contract early. Andre emailed DirecTV, explained his father’s failing health, offered to provide medical records as proof, and requested that he be credited the $400 they charged. That’s when DirecTV politely told him to fuck off:
I’m sorry to hear about your father’s current health condition. I understand your concern with regard to the early cancellation fee…Since he canceled his service or did not maintain the minimum programming requirements, his account was charged with an early cancellation fee of $400. We feel this fee is valid and we are unable to waive it.
The story, thankfully, has a happy ending: Andre’s wife took to Facebook, where a groundswell of rage and enmity towards DirecTV helped the corporation realize, hey, maybe this $400 isn’t totally worth it. And people wonder why I haven't had cable for years...
And: Frankie Muniz, who played the titular character in the early 2000's sitcom "Malcolm in the Middle," left Hollywood to become a professional race car driver. That was as successfuls as being iceberg spotter on the Titanic.
Now he's looking to add "rock star" to his resume, drumming for the unsigned (and for good reason) act You Hang Up. "This is something I have always wanted in my life, and I'm thrilled to be associated with such a great group of guys!" Muniz wrote on his MySpace page (ironically named franiemunizracing) after joining the band in late December.
What a bunch of horseshit. Example: Muniz tweeted, "My band and I had a secret show last night and it was INSANE! The place was PACKED and we killed it! It was our first show ever!" Um, question...how did a band play a secret show - their first ever - and pack the house? Secret show and packed house seem at odds with first show.
You Hang Up's Myspace biography reads:
"Obviously a band can't get very far without a drummer, so after a few online and text messages between Frankie Muniz (drums) and Aaron [lead singer], regarding the music, the band met up with Frankie to talk about connecting the vision of You Hang Up with Frankie's long-time passion for drumming and music. Frankie moved to Arizona in 2008 to take a break from acting and pursue a professional career in racing, but has now become a permanent fixture of You Hang Up. Between Frankie's incredible drumming skills and his passion for music in general, he adds a flavor to You Hang Up that could not blend better with the group."
That flavor? Attention that you never had before because you were three nobodys without your D-rate celeb bandmate. Muniz said in a 2004 interview that he learned to "pound the skins from Zac Hanson" (as in 'MMMBop' Hanson). That sounds more like a gay reference than anything, and doesn't scream rock cred. Neither does Frankie Muniz is our drummer.
Worst picture of the week:
the beast reveals itself Worst bonus links:
• Oilers Goalie Facing Charges In Arizona - If you're going to drive your Ferrari 70 mph in a 45 mph zone, especially in a small town like Scottsdale, you may stand out. Also, try to not be drunk.
• The Pot Calls The Kettle Plastic / Lisa Rinna Apologizes To Heidi Montag For Surgery Remarks - The battle between a 46-year-old with Juvederm fillers, Botox, lip-plumping and breast implants versus a girl half her age with breast implants, a brow lift, botox, a nose job revision, fat injections in her cheeks, a chin reduction, and neck liposuction (among others). Jealous much?
• MLB Bans Guns From Clubhouses - Seriously, is common sense so fleeting in baseball that you actually had to make it a policy. Let's hope the enforcement is a little more stringent than their winning anti-steroid policy.
• Director Kevin Smith Kicked Off Plane For Being Too Fat - Yes, we heard...but did it require 100 tweets and a multipart video response? No.
• Frugan Living - Cute indie artist girl + dumpster diving for food = fuck you, you pretentious hipster.
• Tila Tequila Dented Her Head / Tila Tequila Might Have Had A Fake Miscarriage - The worst person in the world. Please, just terminate yourself. Please.
• Tiger Woods Says Sorry, Golf Return Still Unknown - All the media outlets and reporters questioning if Tiger is coming back, as if he's going to join a monastary. He already made one huge mistake, he's not making another.
• Kim Kardashian Outs Air Marshall, Endangers Flight - Nice going you fucktard. National security disrupted by the Assy Pig Tank.
• One Inch Equals $30,000 In Online Dating World - So by that logic, a couple hundred grand could get guys who are barely tall enough to get on a ride can possibly get on a bride.
• Katherine Heigl Honored As Star Of The Year - Did they run out of stars?
• Poor Fit May Explain Why Men Refuse Condoms - Too big or too small? Not that it matters, because the fit isn't the problem...it's because it feels like having sex with a dishwashing glove in-between.
• Jesus Was 'Gay': Elton John - He may be the expect, but one thing he can't do is time travel back and bring us proof. And would a gay man really dress like a dirty hippie?
• YouTube To Ditch USF1? / USF1 Plays Down Factory Speculation - There's less than a month before the season opens and there's only one driver announced, and no car to debut while nearly every other team is out testing. Not a good sign.
• Fan Gets Jail For Text-Stalking Ashanti's Mother - If you want to get the girl, you've got to charm her mother first. So make sure she gets all thouse nasty text messages about what you'd do to her daughter.
• Bad News For Record Lottery Winner - Sorry, but you didn't actually win. Maybe it had something to do with the fact you bought the ticket after they announced the numbers.
• Jessica Simpson Won't Go Nude...Not Even For An Oscar - Which is the only way she'd even be remotely close to having a shot at it. Not that her nudity is even award winning. Take a look for yourself...and watch out Helen Mirren.
• Westminster Dog Show 2010: Why It's Better Than Winter Olympics - The regal majesty of the best of their breed versus...dogs? You can be a caught up in canines but that's absolutely ridiculous to try and make a comparison between elite athletes from around the world and some dogs who've been groomed exceptionally well.
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