And Now A Message For Hollywood From Chez's Evil Twin, Garth*

Without fail, Chez makes way too much sense.

Alright, let's get something straight here. You can call Mo'Nique and Gabourey Sidibe talented actresses; you can praise the living shit out of their performances in Precious; you can fill up their arms with all the Golden Globes and Oscars they can carry if you want.

But what you can't do is call either of them "beautiful" -- at least not with a straight face.

Nope, sorry, uh-uh.

Why? Because you people know damn well that you're being completely insincere. You're falling all over yourselves to hold these two up as models of "real womanhood" mostly so you can pat yourselves on the back for being so liberal and open-minded when it comes to what constitutes beauty -- to prove that you understand that it comes in all shapes and sizes. Sure thing. This from an entire culture based around one very particular, very high physical standard -- particularly when it comes to women -- and which encourages those within its purview to go to any lengths to achieve that standard. You fuckers buy yourselves new faces for Christmas, and you expect us to believe that all of a sudden you genuinely find a couple of grossly overweight black women attractive?

If Mo'Nique wasn't a movie star but was instead "Mo'Nique the Hardees Night Manager" you'd keep 500 feet away from her just in case ugly was contagious. If you saw her boldly pulling up her dress to reveal those unshaven tree trunks on Maury while boasting, "I look sexy!" you'd be pointing and laughing at her.

Look, if you're feeling a pang of buff, white, upper-class guilt, just admit it and get it out of your system -- but don't try to assuage it by naming Gabby Sidibe one of People Magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People."

By the way, isn't it enough that these two are great actresses? Do they have to be considered beautiful at all? Can't they just be really talented without you having to assure them that they're just as attractive as any of their peers? Isn't that in itself demeaning? And wouldn't it be a real show of "diversity" if you were willing to admit that not everybody can or will meet the physical standard Hollywood holds in such esteem?

Or does getting an Oscar nomination automatically make someone attractive?

Did they become "beautiful" just because they joined your hallowed ranks?

*As usual, the opinions expressed by Garth are not those of Chez, who's totally hot for the ladies of Precious and wouldn't touch this subject with a ten-foot cattle prod.