In their native tongue, I believe Kardashian translates to "awful family".
Sibling Kourtney - the one who is not called Assy Pig Tank nor The Beast, now gets her own nickname: "Brainiac". Let us take a look at this gem of a news story, straight from OMG!, bastion of shitty reporting and horrible news, and dissect it, line by line.
Pregnant Kourtney Kardashian: I Forgot to Take "the Pill"
Great title, pretty much says it all...I'm knocked up because taking one pill daily exceeds my abilities. You could pretty much stop right there, but since they bothered, let's see how little they can add to that info. But first...
celebs: Bruce Jenner / Jessica Simpson / Kate Gosselin / Kendra Wilkinson / Kourtney Kardashian / Miley Cyrus / Reggie Bush / Ryan Seacrest
Yes! Sweet tag links to other OMG! stories with other equally despicable people. If you're thinking that reading anything about any of those people is going to enrich your life, step away from the computer and go to your car. Open the door, put your head in, and slam it until you no longer feel the urge to check those links.
Pregnant Kourtney Kardashian says little sister Kim thought she'd be the first Kardashian sib to become a mom." She definitely thought it was going to be her first. Kim has, like, every baby name picked out," Kourtney said on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio show this morning.
Clearly, baby sis had her golddigging plan better poised for action. And coming up with a list of names proves it. Nothing says your ready for parental responsibility like thinking up some names you think are cute. And points for using the radio to make your baby announcement. Ryan Seacrest makes the whole thing so much more legitimate.
See photos of other stars who had surprise pregnancies.
Site Link! What, you think she's the first dumbshit? Hardly. But she really adds extra luster to her family lineage.
"Kim...I don't think she was envious, but who knows," Kourtney went on of her sis, who recently split from Reggie Bush. "Kim gets mad if I get, like, the car that she wants. She, like, freaks out."
Throw her under the bus! Sure, you're irresponsible and got pregnant, but your sister? She's petty and jealous!
"Out of all of us, I was definitely the last one that was even thinking about it," Kourtney confessed, adding that she's due around Christmastime -- the same period as another E! reality star, Kendra Wilkinson.
Yes, we know. Completely. And nice comparison to another bastard child and celebutant.
Check out photos of moms in bikinis.
Site Link! Classy touch! So often I am looking at pictures of girls in bikinis and fretting how much better they'd be if they were also mothers.
Kourtney says she had her sister Khloe tell the family she was expecting. "I was just, like, so nervous," she said. Stepdad Bruce Jenner was "the most realistic," she says. "[He said], 'You guys are acting like you're getting a little puppy dog! You need to take this seriously'.... He freaks me out the most."
Smart move...send in a monster to give the bad news. Way to to own up to it. It must have been nerve racking thinking what the reaction would be to your sister taking your flack. And I can't believe I'm actually conceding there's a voice of reason here, even if it belongs to Bruce Jenner. Check back once the kid is a year old, and you will see it tied to a gate and crapping on newspapers...just like a puppy.
Check out Us' baby bump hall of fame.
Site Link! Is anybody surprised that the a hall of "fame" exists for baby bumps and that it's courtesy of Us?
Getting pregnant with Scott Disick -- with whom she recently reunited after splitting in February -- was unplanned.
Hmmm..anyone see a pattern? Unplanned? No shit! And is that really his name? I see Disick and my brain says Dilsnick (that's slang for dick -Urban M)
"This probably sounds so dumb, but there's so many times I'll forget to take my pill and I don't think it's that big of a deal. It's just so stupid," she admitted. Kourtney says she had an inkling she was pregnant after getting "really nauseous, like, suddenly...not just in the morning. I would have to eat Saltines at all times in the day."
Dumb? No. Fucking retarded as hell. Now you are left with raising a child, or more realistically, society is, since you're unfit for even simple tasks. Guess it was a big deal. Glad you finally put it all together and recognized your pregnancy signs. Not like the lack of blood each month is a big enough clue.
Find out more celebrity pregnancy cravings.
Site Link! Wonderful, we can see if Jenna Elfman ate pickles or Halle Berry wanted chocolate. Are there less important things to know than what pregnant celebrities ate? That's pretty close to the bottom.
On her new reality show -- Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami -- she literally gets sick in a club, she said. Her boobs also became "huge and they were so sore."
The sad thing is, a Kardashian in a club and vomiting is hardly rare. And I have nothing bad to say about huge, tender boobs.
Now that she's about five months along, Kourtney explains how she dresses her bump: "I just wear jeans and keep them unbuttoned and wear a big shirt."(She's also opening a new store in California "soon," she says: Dash for Babies.)
Yay! Let's have some fun with your unplanned pregnancy and talk about how to dress and accessorize your bastard child! Don't forget to make it a promotional opportunity and market a new store!
Kourtney says she's brainstorming names for either a boy or girl -- and dropping the "K" alliteration her siblings share.
Priority number one? Get a name for that kid. Don't worry about anything else, like raising it or having some direction in your life other than mild fame from sharing a womb with your D-list sister. And why would you keep the "K" anyway?
Check out photos of secret star siblings.
Site Link! What does that have to do with this story? Brainiac is part of the family reality show and just got her own. While she should be chained up in a basement, it's not as though she was.
"It's so hard. I'll think of something and it just goes away," she said. "And everyone is asking what we're doing with the last name: Kardashian or Disick. I don't know [if we're getting married]. We've talked about it. I feel like there's so much going on, but I don't know if I can even go there."
What the hell are you talking about? Thinking of what and what goes away? And who cares what last name you use? Nobody is asking because it doesn't matter. Any spawn of yours will be known as Bastardashian. But you're right - don't go there. Just keep daydreaming and thinking about cute baby names!
The baby may be incorporated into the second season of her reality show, she joked.
Hahaha! You're so witty! What makes you think you're getting a second season before the first even premiers? I think it would be better not incorporating it, which will naturally happen as she forgets to take care of kid, leaves it accidentally on a park bench, doesn't feed it regularly or when she does it's Red Bull and vodka or tapas.
See the most controversial star moms of all time.
Site Link! Controversial? How, because she's functionally retarded and with child? And who are others...Rosemary's baby?
"Kourtney and Khloe in Japan...With a baby!" she quipped.
Shut up. Shut the fuck up.
Sibling Kourtney - the one who is not called Assy Pig Tank nor The Beast, now gets her own nickname: "Brainiac". Let us take a look at this gem of a news story, straight from OMG!, bastion of shitty reporting and horrible news, and dissect it, line by line.
Pregnant Kourtney Kardashian: I Forgot to Take "the Pill"Great title, pretty much says it all...I'm knocked up because taking one pill daily exceeds my abilities. You could pretty much stop right there, but since they bothered, let's see how little they can add to that info. But first...
celebs: Bruce Jenner / Jessica Simpson / Kate Gosselin / Kendra Wilkinson / Kourtney Kardashian / Miley Cyrus / Reggie Bush / Ryan Seacrest
Yes! Sweet tag links to other OMG! stories with other equally despicable people. If you're thinking that reading anything about any of those people is going to enrich your life, step away from the computer and go to your car. Open the door, put your head in, and slam it until you no longer feel the urge to check those links.
Pregnant Kourtney Kardashian says little sister Kim thought she'd be the first Kardashian sib to become a mom." She definitely thought it was going to be her first. Kim has, like, every baby name picked out," Kourtney said on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio show this morning.
Clearly, baby sis had her golddigging plan better poised for action. And coming up with a list of names proves it. Nothing says your ready for parental responsibility like thinking up some names you think are cute. And points for using the radio to make your baby announcement. Ryan Seacrest makes the whole thing so much more legitimate.
See photos of other stars who had surprise pregnancies.
Site Link! What, you think she's the first dumbshit? Hardly. But she really adds extra luster to her family lineage.
"Kim...I don't think she was envious, but who knows," Kourtney went on of her sis, who recently split from Reggie Bush. "Kim gets mad if I get, like, the car that she wants. She, like, freaks out."
Throw her under the bus! Sure, you're irresponsible and got pregnant, but your sister? She's petty and jealous!
"Out of all of us, I was definitely the last one that was even thinking about it," Kourtney confessed, adding that she's due around Christmastime -- the same period as another E! reality star, Kendra Wilkinson.
Yes, we know. Completely. And nice comparison to another bastard child and celebutant.
Check out photos of moms in bikinis.
Site Link! Classy touch! So often I am looking at pictures of girls in bikinis and fretting how much better they'd be if they were also mothers.
Kourtney says she had her sister Khloe tell the family she was expecting. "I was just, like, so nervous," she said. Stepdad Bruce Jenner was "the most realistic," she says. "[He said], 'You guys are acting like you're getting a little puppy dog! You need to take this seriously'.... He freaks me out the most."
Smart move...send in a monster to give the bad news. Way to to own up to it. It must have been nerve racking thinking what the reaction would be to your sister taking your flack. And I can't believe I'm actually conceding there's a voice of reason here, even if it belongs to Bruce Jenner. Check back once the kid is a year old, and you will see it tied to a gate and crapping on newspapers...just like a puppy.
Check out Us' baby bump hall of fame.Site Link! Is anybody surprised that the a hall of "fame" exists for baby bumps and that it's courtesy of Us?
Getting pregnant with Scott Disick -- with whom she recently reunited after splitting in February -- was unplanned.
Hmmm..anyone see a pattern? Unplanned? No shit! And is that really his name? I see Disick and my brain says Dilsnick (that's slang for dick -Urban M)
"This probably sounds so dumb, but there's so many times I'll forget to take my pill and I don't think it's that big of a deal. It's just so stupid," she admitted. Kourtney says she had an inkling she was pregnant after getting "really nauseous, like, suddenly...not just in the morning. I would have to eat Saltines at all times in the day."
Dumb? No. Fucking retarded as hell. Now you are left with raising a child, or more realistically, society is, since you're unfit for even simple tasks. Guess it was a big deal. Glad you finally put it all together and recognized your pregnancy signs. Not like the lack of blood each month is a big enough clue.
Find out more celebrity pregnancy cravings.
Site Link! Wonderful, we can see if Jenna Elfman ate pickles or Halle Berry wanted chocolate. Are there less important things to know than what pregnant celebrities ate? That's pretty close to the bottom.
On her new reality show -- Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami -- she literally gets sick in a club, she said. Her boobs also became "huge and they were so sore."
The sad thing is, a Kardashian in a club and vomiting is hardly rare. And I have nothing bad to say about huge, tender boobs.
Now that she's about five months along, Kourtney explains how she dresses her bump: "I just wear jeans and keep them unbuttoned and wear a big shirt."(She's also opening a new store in California "soon," she says: Dash for Babies.)
Yay! Let's have some fun with your unplanned pregnancy and talk about how to dress and accessorize your bastard child! Don't forget to make it a promotional opportunity and market a new store!
Kourtney says she's brainstorming names for either a boy or girl -- and dropping the "K" alliteration her siblings share.
Priority number one? Get a name for that kid. Don't worry about anything else, like raising it or having some direction in your life other than mild fame from sharing a womb with your D-list sister. And why would you keep the "K" anyway?
Check out photos of secret star siblings.
Site Link! What does that have to do with this story? Brainiac is part of the family reality show and just got her own. While she should be chained up in a basement, it's not as though she was.
"It's so hard. I'll think of something and it just goes away," she said. "And everyone is asking what we're doing with the last name: Kardashian or Disick. I don't know [if we're getting married]. We've talked about it. I feel like there's so much going on, but I don't know if I can even go there."
What the hell are you talking about? Thinking of what and what goes away? And who cares what last name you use? Nobody is asking because it doesn't matter. Any spawn of yours will be known as Bastardashian. But you're right - don't go there. Just keep daydreaming and thinking about cute baby names!
The baby may be incorporated into the second season of her reality show, she joked.
Hahaha! You're so witty! What makes you think you're getting a second season before the first even premiers? I think it would be better not incorporating it, which will naturally happen as she forgets to take care of kid, leaves it accidentally on a park bench, doesn't feed it regularly or when she does it's Red Bull and vodka or tapas.
See the most controversial star moms of all time.
Site Link! Controversial? How, because she's functionally retarded and with child? And who are others...Rosemary's baby?
"Kourtney and Khloe in Japan...With a baby!" she quipped.
Shut up. Shut the fuck up.
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