Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Dr. Jerkoff

Sometimes free isn't good enough.

The lawyer for Guns N' Roses and Axl Rose has castigated Dr Pepper, accusing the soda maker of failing to deliver on its promotion to offer free soda in celebration of the band's new album, "Chinese Democracy." In case you forgot, Guns N' Roses was never involved in the campaign.

Litigious prickbag Alan Gutman has written to Dr Pepper Snapple Group Inc. president and CEO Larry Young, accusing the company of operating an online redemption scheme that was an "unmitigated disaster which defrauded customers." Yes, the scheme to give people a free soda in return for..wait for it...nothing!

Band frontman Rose did not take any action when, in March, Dr Pepper put out a press release offering free soda to any American if the long-awaited Guns N' Roses album came out before the end of 2008. However, Rose has reacted to the news that fans have been unable to get their soda since the November 23 release of "Chinese Democracy." Because Axl feels that the promise of a free soda based on his tardiness is a fight worth waging.

Gutman is demanding that Dr Pepper makes good on its offer by extending the period for the offer; he also wants full-page apologies in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, USA Today and the Wall Street Journal. How about...fuck off, jerk.

Gutman's letter makes clear his view that the original campaign was an "exploitation of my clients' legendary reputation and their eagerly awaited album" and "brazenly violated our clients' rights." He is also seeking an "appropriate payment ... for the unauthorized use and abuse of their publicity and intellectual property rights," with the threat of further action if an acceptable offer is not made. "Now is the time to clean up the mess," Gutman says. Wow, the balls on this guy!

Dr Pepper's Web servers crashed under the demand for coupons that could be exchanged for free drinks. Dr Pepper extended the November 23 promotion for an extra day, but the company's Web site was inaccessible for a substantial part of it. "Dr Pepper was completely unprepared for the traffic to its site," Gutman says in the letter, describing the promotion as a "complete fiasco." Not like the decade-plus wait for an album made by an obsessive singer and an orchestra's worth of ever-rotating musicians.

Gutman adds, "The entire point of your campaign has been to use public interest in Axl Rose and Guns N' Roses as a lure to increase consumer awareness of Dr Pepper." He further states that "mocking undertones" in the online promotional content represent a "raw and damaging commercial exploitation of our clients' rights," adding that the association is "even more damaging in light of your shoddy execution of your disingenuous giveaway offer."

The soda maker declined to comment, but sources said Dr Pepper was considering extending the promotion. That, or a dismissive wanking motion.

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