Popping Koons

No artist represents talentless hack more then Jeff Koons, so to see him get bitchslapped is a treat.

Koons own style (which also made him a lot of money), which is basically appropriating pop-culture imagery and mass-produced objects, has stretched into a thirty year career. And in that time, he's been sued for copyright violation and appropriating other's images four times, losing three of the cases. Trying to give other a taste of his own medicine, Koons recently went after a gallery and bookend manufacturer who he claimed violated his intellectual property rights. His 10-foot-tall “Balloon Dog” sculpture has been exhibited at the Metropolitan Museum of Art and Versailles, and made him think he is the only person ever to come up with the concept.

Last December, a lawyer for Koons sent cease-and-desist letters to Park Life, a San Francisco gallery and store that sells the bookends, and Imm-Living, a Toronto company that manufactures them. Since the dispute was reported, there's been no shortage of folks mocking Koons attempting to claim the rights to all balloon dogs. And the legal opinion in filed briefs didn't shape up much better for the artist: “As virtually any clown can attest, no one owns the idea of making a balloon dog, and the shape created by twisting a balloon into a dog-like form is part of the public domain”.

Koons has of late dropped his legal action against the sale of its balloon dog-shaped bookends. "Jeff Koons and I signed the papers today," said Park Life co-owner Jamie Alexander. "We can sell the balloon dog bookends. The only thing that they wanted to concede is that we couldn't advertise them as being related to Jeff Koons, which we never did." Alexander noted that the store did not agree to a confidentiality agreement about their resolution. "This is a victory for the little guy standing up to a bully. Also, it's about the absurdity of the art world."

Summary judgement? Koons is an asshole!

Koonstastrophe

Bayerische Motoren Werke has occasionally invited artists to use its cars as canvases. Sometimes, they get an M1 Group 4 racer painted by Andy Warhol. And sometimes they get a BMW M3 GTS painted by Jeff Koons.

Koons, you ask? Yes, he's a far overrated "artist" that will have his seizure inducing crapsterpiece compete in the 24 Hours of Le Mans next week.

"These race cars are lifelike, they are powerful and there is a lot of energy," Koons said. "You can participate with it, add to it and let yourself transcend with its energy. There is a lot of power under that hood and I want to let my ideas transcend with the car — it’s really to connect with that power." That is some pretentious bullshit.

The design isn’t actually painted on the car; it’s a vinyl wrap covered with two layers of clear coat. BMW says the wrap was lighter than paint and it could be applied much more quickly, but I think we all know is that they didn't want to ruin the car by making the paint job permanent. Koons had two months to complete the project, though it looks like something an Intro to Art student did for an assignment.

Koons has wanted to design an art car since 2003, when he first approached BMW about the idea. Looks as though BMW finally got worn down, and for that, our eyes must suffer.

Art Crime

Relax, no important pieces of art was stolen. But no important piece of art was overvalued and sold for and obscene price.

Jeff Koons' sculpture of a stainless steel heart hanging from a golden bow sold Wednesday for $23.6 million, becoming the most expensive piece by a living artist ever auctioned. Sotheby's also pocketed a healthy chunk for finding a sucker willing to pay that kind of green. "Hanging Heart" is nearly 9 feet tall and weighs more than 3,500 pounds -- That's over $6,700 a pound, making it one of the most valuable non-drug substances on Earth. The piece is from Koons' "Celebration" series, and another sculpture, "Diamond (Blue)" sold through Christie's the day prior for $11.8 million.

Absolutely fucking ridiculous.

More than the overkill of the price is the perfunctory spin the douchenozzles at Sotheby's are spreading. "Koons is an artist who doesn't allow compromise, and 'Hanging Heart' is all about making an impossibility possible," said Tobias Meyer, head of Sotheby's contemporary art department. Okay, you're a douche because your name is Tobias and you head a contemporary art department at an auction house, but what bullshit compromise are you talking about? Did the city tell him he was not allowed to make any 9 foot steel hearts? It sure doesn't sound like an impossibility, just a colossal waste of time. And I thank your colleague Lauren Gioia for considering the sculpture "one of Jeff Koons' most important works". that's not saying much. You'd think the thing would bring about world peace, fertility to barren women, and cure cancer. It looks like something FAO Schwartz would put in a window display at Christmas.