IOvUF

A Through S

2012-01-23T03:44:00.000-08:00

Have It Your Way (Without Going Out Of Your Way)

2012-01-19T14:40:00.000-08:00

The number three fast food chain wants to see America make plenty of number two in the comfort of their own home.

Burger King may be behind Wendy's and McDonald's, but they've got the jump on them when it comes to getting consumers at their most vulnerable...and lazy. In select Washington, D.C. locations, the King will come to you. They don't do fountain drinks, coffee, breakfast foods, or milkshakes; delivery costs $2 an order; and you must live within a 10-minute drive of a participating store. But Burger King not only guarantees 30-minute delivery, but their "proprietary thermal packaging technology" will keep your fries crisp and burger "hot and fresh".

French fried potatoes for couch potatoes, from a business perspective, is a slam dunk - as long as they can keep those happy meals from turning into crappy ones. I wish I still ate the fast food and lived in D.C. to give it a whirl - though maybe I can convince Famous Sister to be a guinea pig...

Down The Rabbit Hole

2012-01-19T02:01:00.000-08:00

You start off checking up on an Los Angeles band on a Australian fan site that gets you to a YouTube page for girl in Ohio. You follow the interweb where it takes you...

The Artist Of Oz

2012-01-18T17:00:00.000-08:00

Off To See The Wizard is a damn cute Aussie artist who makes some trippy art...

Murderquake

2012-01-18T14:30:00.000-08:00

Researchers believe they have discovered a link between the behavior of serial killers and the same mathematical patterns obeyed by sporadic events like earthquakes, avalanches, stock market crashes. You mean it was an equation and not Satan talking to them through a dog that is to blame?

Mikhail Simkin and Vwani Roychowdhury are electrical engineers at UCLA, and they modeled the behavior of Andrei Chikatilo, aka the "Rostov Ripper", who murdered 53 people in Rostov, Russia between 1978 and 1990. Sometimes Chikatilo went years without a killing, other times just days - and the researchers found that the seemingly random spacing of his murders followed a mathematical distribution known as a power law.

When the number of days between Chikatilo's murders was plotted against the number of times he waited that number of days, the results form a near-straight line on a type of graph called a log-log plot, which is the same if you plot the magnitude of earthquakes against the number of times each magnitude has occurred. Simkin and Roychowdhury hypothesize this effect causes epileptics to have seizures or serial killers to commit murder - a simultaneous firing of large number of neurons in the brain.

A single neuron firing in the brain can potentially trigger the firing of thousands of others, each of which can in turn trigger thousands more. This mostly dies down, but sometimes, at time intervals determined by the power law, neuronal activity surpasses a threshold. Following their theory, it would cause the expected result in nature or people. Of course, a study would need to look at larger set of cases to determine whether the data holds or it was merely a chance correlation.

Thespian Gourmet

2012-01-18T01:30:00.000-08:00

Movie Posters From An Alternate Universe

2012-01-17T20:48:00.001-08:00

FCCC-P?

2012-01-17T13:51:00.000-08:00

File sharing is now ordained in Sweden.

Since 2010, Church of Kopimism, a group of self-confessed pirates, had been denied several times in their attempt to have their beliefs recognized as an official religion. The "Kopimists", who hold CTRL+C and CTRL+V as sacred symbols, finally got their approval, and hope their official status will remove the legal stigma that surrounds file-sharing.

Here's the loose timeline on the origin of the religion: In 2001, a lobby group called the Antipiratbyrån (the Anti-Piracy Bureau) was formed in Sweden to combat copyright infringement. By 2003, the free-information movement mockingly copied the lobby group’s name and removed the "anti", calling themselves Piratbyrån (the Piracy Bureau). Piratbyrån created The Pirate Bay site, which quickly became the world’s most notorious source for downloading feature films, TV shows, and software. Ibrahim Botani, a central figure in Piratbyrån, designed a kind of un-copyright logo called “kopimi” (pronounced “copy me”) in 2005. Adding the kopimi mark, as it were, to a work of intellectual property indicated that you not only give permission for it to be copied but actively encourage it.

When Botani died unexpectedly, in 2010, Piratbyrån decided to disband. The Pirate Bay is still thriving despite the ongoing criminal case against its operators, and there's even the Pirate Party, a political party with a pro-Internet platform with special emphasis on copyright and patent reform. Isak Gerson, a philosophy student and active Pirate Party member, was such a religious (pun intended) file-sharer, he founded The Missionary Church of Kopimism to protect his "sacred beliefs". And in the last six months their ranks have tripled to 3,000 devotees.

Ultimately, it may not separate church and state, but I'm all for a more tolerant P2P world of belief.

Hello!

2012-01-17T03:09:00.000-08:00

Calgon Arm Candy

2012-01-16T16:36:00.000-08:00

It was pretty bad that people are using bath salts as a drug, but karma pays back those who are stupid enough to try it...

The first known case of necrotizing fasciitis aka flesh-eating disease, caused by an injection of bath salts has been reported. Dr. Russell R. Russo (are you kidding me with that name?) and his colleaguesat the Louisiana State University Health Sciences Center New Orleans School of Medicine (are you kidding me with that name?), treated a 34-year-old women who developed forearm pain and redness after she attended a party. Normally, it would be bruised thighs and a swollen groin, but the only sign a small red puncture wound on her arm.

Eventually, the ~~idiot~~ woman admitted that she injected bath salts two days before her symptoms began, and upon reexamination they determined that she had necrotizing fasciitis. The disease progressed so rapidly that the doctors had to amputate the woman's arm, shoulder and collarbone and perform a radical mastectomy.The women later underwent skin grafting and rehabilitation, but no word if she's getting talking any night classes at the local city college or doing on-line school in order to try and raise her IQ.

There's so many other great drugs available out there which can totally kick your ass and not cause your arm to immediately rot, and I expect more from a 34 year-old. I can't even be a grumpy old man and say "kids these days"...

Chicken McFucking

2012-01-16T14:02:00.000-08:00

A woman was arrested last week for allegedly offering sexual favors in exchange for Chicken McNuggets, according to Burbank police. I hope she was at least going for the 50 pieces for $9.99 - that's value!

Khadijah Baseer was seen opening customers’ car doors in the McDonald’s drive through at 1700 block of Olive Avenue about 11 p.m. Wednesday - and since that was last week, now you've got the date, time, and location in case you want to see if you get a Happy Meal for yourself this week. Baseer was allegedly offering to swap sexual favors for the McNuggets, which led a witness to report her to the authorities. I'm mean, c'mon, you're not even going to try and go for a meal combo or supersized fries and drink? Baseer was arrested on suspicion of prostitution, and a lack of understanding of the Value Menu.

UPDATE: Sorry to get your hopes up about having your own "I'm lovin' it" moment, but Baseer is still in custody, since she was unable to post her $2,000 bail. Homeless people don't often have that kind of scratch. It was said she was willing to fill her mouth so she could fill her stomach, but I'd be looking through the dumpster in the back for a half eaten Big Mac before I sat on somebody's quarter pounder...and you can bet it was that way of thinking prostitution > dumpster diving that led her to be homeless .

Imagevoloution

2012-01-16T07:36:00.000-08:00

It's simple - just take a transparent image, go to Google Image Search, and ask it to find similar images. Take the top result and feed it back in...2951 times.

Throw Me The Clip...Give Me The Idea

2012-01-03T03:12:00.000-08:00

It's Back!

2012-01-02T16:12:00.000-08:00

After a slight and unintentional hiatus (congrats on your parole, DMFG), Velvet Glove - Iron Fist is back and better than ever. Or worse, depending on who you ask.

Gamer Grub

2012-01-02T12:30:00.000-08:00

From the very tasty Gourmet Gaming, a site that takes some of the eats from video games and makes them available for yor enjoyment in real life, here's the Cluckin’ Bell 'Fowl Burger' (from the Grand Theft Auto series):

What you will need: A frying pan, meat tenderiser, 2 bowls.

For the Fowl Burger:

- Olive Oil

- 1 Large Chicken Breast

- 50g / ½ Cup Breadcrumbs

- 1 Tablespoon Ground Cumin

- 1 Tablespoon Ground Coriander

- 1 Tablespoon Paprika

- 1 Egg

- Ketchup

- Mayonnaise

- White Burger Bun / Bread roll

- Baby Gem Lettuce Leaves

- 1 Baby Shallot

- 1 Slice of Mild Cheddar Cheese

Making the Fowl Burger:

1.Combine the cumin, coriander and paprika with the breadcrumbs in a bowl and mix well. In another beat the egg and set aside.

2.Heat a good amount of olive oil in a frying pan on a medium high heat. Beat the chicken breast so it is about 1-2cm thick, cut in half so you have two evenly sized pieces.

3.Dip them in the egg and then coat well in the breadcrumb mixture.

4.Once the oil is hot enough, fry the coated chicken breasts for about 4 minutes each side or until golden brown and cooked through.

5.Toast the bun then layer ketchup, lettuce, chicken, cheese, lettuce, chicken, lettuce, mayonnaise, sliced shallot and close with the top of the bun.

6.Serve with fries and a Sprunk and enjoy; the chicken didn’t die in vain.

Red Letter Media And The Crystal Skull

2012-01-02T06:16:00.000-08:00

There is no better way to start the new year than with a new review from Mr Plinkett (who's already skewered the Star Wars prequels several times).

Part 1:

Part 2:

He's So Ronery...And Dead

2011-12-19T00:30:00.000-08:00

I think that's an adequate portrait of the dictator, but there's also a proper obit.

The Two Faces Of Public Service

2011-12-16T12:21:00.000-08:00

No one visually embodies the type of person who has no business telling you or anybody else how you can have sex or use your body than LA City Councilman Paul Koretz. That's him on the right.

Koretz feels the best approach to eliminate AIDS from the adult industry - which is unquestionably more important than eliminating AIDS from the community, is to mandate condoms in adult films. Getting on board with the proposal put forth by Michael Weinstein and the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, who collected more than 70,000 signatures calling for a condom-in-porn measure on the city ballot, he underestimated one small obstacle - Carmen Trutanich.

The City Attorney filed a complaint in Superior Court, saying that "Los Angeles voters have no power to adopt the proposed measure," because only the state -- not the city -- has the ability to make such rules. While it's not clear where Trutanich stands on the issue itself, I like the fact that he's looking at the situation with a clear and level head, which just happens to prevent human slugs like Paul Koretz from putting rubbers on people who fuck consensually for money on camera.

Like a good bureaucrat, Trutanich raises the question that a voter-approved condom requirement could attract a lawsuit, forcing “the needless and wasteful expenditure of public resources made in connection with a measure which the voters have no power to adopt.” He pointed out for Koretz and others who want their agenda to supersede what's legal, that his complaint, which helps freeze the action, seeks "judicial clarification to see if the city of Los Angeles is pre-empted from regulating condoms in adult film shoots or whether those powers are relegated to other state agencies."

The response? Trutanich's action to block the ballot measure is "anti-democratic", according to Koretz. "Usually, we have the people have their say first," he added. No, you disgusting troll, the people get to have their say in the appropriate forum and under the of framework of the law. That's why as far as you'll get in government is councilman. And aside from keeping porn raw, I'm happy to see my local tax dollars not being wasted on bad legislation and the challenges that will surround it. Koretz should worry about the bigger picture and bigger problem of AIDS, and not other people's literal fucking business.

Krusty Burger = Los Pollos Hermanos

2011-12-16T03:11:00.000-08:00

College Humor's Internet Justice League

2011-12-15T15:00:00.000-08:00

Fetal Corpse Syndrome

2011-12-15T12:33:00.000-08:00

Last week, I put on my floaties and waded out into the deep end of the Lake of Fire to show anything but sympathy for the dead baby of The Duggars, and now I think I'm justified in my contempt for that family.

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar made a spectacle of their dead baby at a memorial service, which was in conjunction with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, a "non-profit organization that helps families deal with the miscarriage and loss of their babies" - by taking photos of their dead babies.

Shockingly, pictures of Jubilee Shalom Duggar that were supposed to be taken for the family to keep and use at the memorial service somehow "got released" without the Duggars consent. Sure they did. And maybe they shouldn't distributed them to the hundreds of people attending the memorial in Springdale, Arkansas. Or pose for publicity photos like the one above.

If you want to see tiny dead hands and feet being held, you can check out this link.

2011-12-15T01:48:00.000-08:00

Cholombians

2011-12-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

VICE magazine has the back story on the latest trend out of Northern Mexico.

You Can't Keep A Douchebag Down

2011-12-14T15:25:00.000-08:00

Donald Trump announced that he will no longer moderate the Newsmax-sponsored GOP debate planned for later this month, and of course, there's spin.

Since the announcement of the debate, all Trump could manage to secure were Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum - and that just reinforces how little credibility this political stunt would have garnered. While the "debate" is in limbo, Trump steered clear of the point that Gingrich and Santorum are only showing up to kiss ass and try to pick up whatever few votes a Trump endorsement get, and resurected the threat of an eventually failed Trump campaign:

The Republican Party candidates are very concerned that sometime after the final episode of The Apprentice, on May 20th, when the equal time provisions are no longer applicable to me, I will announce my candidacy for President of the United States as an Independent and that, unless I conclusively agree not to run as an Independent, they will not agree to attend or be a part of the Newsmax debate scheduled for December 27, 2011. It is very important to me that the right Republican candidate be chosen to defeat the failed and very destructive Obama Administration, but if that Republican, in my opinion, is not the right candidate, I am not willing to give up my right to run as an Independent candidate.

Therefore, so that there is no conflict of interest within the Republican Party, I have decided not to be the moderator of the Newsmax debate.

In typical Trump hyperbole, he closed saying, " I believe this would not only have been the most watched debate, but also the most substantive and interesting debate!" Once again, it's all about The Donald. The Republicans like the attention that Trump can bring them, but would never choose or back him over the infinite number of party-line drones they have in the pipeline. Now I'm hoping that Trump does throw his hat into the ring, just so he can burn through million of his own money and lose just like Meg Whitman in her gubernatorial campaign last year.

Another Shiva Bowl For 2012

2011-12-14T05:02:00.000-08:00

Christmas comes early! The League has been renewed for a fourth season! It's arguably the funniest show on television (I'm arguing with anyone who disagrees), and with Archer, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and Louie, FX is far and away killing all other networks in the comedy realm.

Maybe "Prison" Loses Something In Translation

2011-12-13T15:07:00.000-08:00

What a tough time it must be serving time in Kyrgyzstan.

Inmates at several prisons in the alphabet-challenged former Soviet country have launched a hunger strike over new restrictions that prevents them from being visited by prostitutes. As if the food itself wasn't reason enough to stop eating it.

Joldochbek Bouzourmankoulov, a spokesman for the country's prison sentencing agency, confirmed that prisoners at seven prison have refused to take their meals. He also agreed his name was ridiculous.The crackdown on getting down on cracks stemmed from the abuse of the visitation rights by family and others - the "others" being paid whores. From now on, only relatives with identity cards showing their ties to inmates can visit. No word yet about the potential grey area if any inmate's relatives are also prostitutes.

In addition to the protest over the lack of access to sex workers allowed, some of the other areas prisoners are look for reform are:

• spa treatments to be extended from 60 to 90 minutes

• caviar must be regional, not exported

• personal tailor hours extended to weekends

• town cars no longer acceptable, only stretch limos

• premium cable and flat panel HDTVs mandatory in all cells

• prison gates to be left open

Newtered

2011-12-13T13:02:00.000-08:00

Republican presidential candidate and all-around sack of shit Newt Gingrich signed a pledge to uphold conservative values of the Iowa-based conservative Christian group The Family Leader in order to pander for votes and money for his campaign. Yeah, like a pledge every kept a politician from thinking with his dick.

While the document is really just a checklist of right-wing beliefs - including states rights, preventing gay marriage, and promoting an anti-abortion agenda, his credibility can't support a simple like statement like "I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others." If that sounds familiar coming out of one side of his fat mouth, it's because you've heard it a few times before, whole the other side of his mouth was sweet-talking his mistresses.

You see, he made a no-adultery pledge back in 2000 to current wife Callista, which should have made her feel comforted, since she was his plaything while he was married to Marianne Ginther. And it did not serve as warning to Marianne back in 1981, when she received a no-adultery pledge after being the other woman to then-wife Jackie Battley. And as you could have predicted, Battley got that same worthless no-adultery pledge when she and Gingrich married in 1962.

Of course, since Newty has gone on television and admitted his wrongdoing, all is forgiven, right? "In my case, I said up front openly, I've made mistakes at times...I've had to go to God for forgiveness. I've had to seek reconciliation." Well, if God - I mean , Newt Gingrich's God, has forgiven him, then surely there's plenty of red state voters who can too. But at that level, he's already got the vote of those who are just looking at his pro-life, pro-state, and pro-family jawing and none of the actual actions of the person presenting them.

Gingrich has long been a typical scumbag politician of the highest degree, and once again he's jumping through the same hoops for show - and we shouldn't expect anything less from his kind. But giving lip service to counter the mouth service he's done in the past isn't enough to make me think he's in going to stay in check - an more importantly, true to his words.

A Much Cooler Aquaman

2011-12-13T02:41:00.000-08:00

Is NPR, Is Not NPR

2011-12-12T17:00:00.000-08:00

You can see if his interpretations match here.

Murph Gets Shut Out

2011-12-12T12:30:00.000-08:00

After some less-then-inspired play this weekend, and losing their fourth game in a row to drop the team to an unimpressive 13-12-4, the L.A. Kings ended the Terry Murray era.

Stuck at 499 career wins in slightly more than 1000 games coached, and 139 wins in 275 games to rate 3rd on team's records, Terry Murray could not get the under-performing squad which has $63 million committed to payroll yet ranks dead last with a 2.21 goals per game average to get the vital wins that would save his position. Assistant John Stevens will be the interim coach until a replacement is found.

It's been eminent since early in the season as the Kings had already weathered a five game skid, and he is fifth coach to get the ax (Carolina, Columbus, Washington and Anaheim are the other casualties) so far this year. Murray's unchanging demeanor has been likened to a visual representation of his defense-oriented coaching style, and though it certainly made the team a top penalty killer in the league and created more complete, two-way players, it still takes goals to win games - and at least more than the opponents score. There have been only five games this season that the Kings have scored more than thee goals, and multiple players are thus far having their lowest career point production.

GM Dean Lombardi has a history of defensive leanings for his team development, and it makes his next hire as coach all the more interesting. Stevens, who not only goes back to Philadelphia with Murray, has a similar, stoic attitude and defensive coaching style, so his interim status is probably just that. Many names have been suggested as a potential replacement, like former Edmonton coach Craig MacTavish, Mark Morris of the (L.A. Kings minor league affiliate) Manchester Monarchs and Pittsburgh Penguins assistant (and former Kings player) Tony Granato, but the one with the most buzz is Darryl Sutter. He and Lombardi worked together in San Jose, but while louder and more brash, Sutter employs a similar system to Murray - and fans are already clamoring against those rumors the team is not really making a coaching replacement.

It's too bad that former Manchester Monarchs and recent Washington Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau ended up in Anaheim just days prior. Of the options available, I'd rather see MacTavish before Sutter, but as John at Mayor's Manor says, "In Dean we trust", and for now we have to hope this change makes the team perform as it should.

More Than In Love...In Lust

2011-12-12T01:32:00.000-08:00

Leave That Thing Alone

2011-12-09T14:30:00.000-08:00

Looks like it's going to be at least another nine months before they need to change the name from "19 Kids and Counting"...

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar got some sad news yesterday when they went to a routine checkup to find out the sex of their 20th child (yes, I would say it's routine after the first three or four), and the answer they got was dead - I know, an odd answer for a child's gender.

Their doctor was unable to find the baby's heartbeat or restraint by the parents for breeding (which is what it becomes when you've had more than a litter of children), and it was determined Michelle had miscarried in her second trimester. Jim Bob released a statement confirming the news to Access Hollywood, and also marking the rare occasion that the name Jim Bob and Hollywood were in the same sentence. In a not-at-all-creepy way, they will still name the baby after they find out of it was a boy or a girl, and plan to hold a funeral service. No word yet if it will be part of their upcoming television season.

The Duggars most recently had daughter Josie in December 2009, and the rest of their offspring are Joshua, 23 (who has two children, Mackynzie, 2, and Michael, 4 months, with wife Anna, 23), twins Jana and John-David, 21; Jill, 20; Jessa, 19; Jinger, 17; Joseph, 16; Josiah, 15; Joy-Anna, 14; twins Jedidiah and Jeremiah, 12; Jason, 11; James, 10; Justin, 8; Jackson, 7; Johanna, 6; Jennifer, 4; and Jordyn, 3. Shockingly, not a Jim Bob junior in the bunch!

If you're keeping score, Michelle's record is 19-2, which would win the AFC East. Yes, she miscarried before, during her second pregnancy, when she was reportedly taking oral birth control. I should add that anal is a very effective birth control, but it is not exactly church-supported. After the first miscarriage, it's said the couple decided to let the number of children they have be "up to God." Well, I think he's trying to let you know you may be finished crapping out kids...or should be.

Now, before I get angry replies about making light of dead babies, ask yourself if it's reasonable to have that many children as some kind of religious quest. If you didn't already know, it's not. We're not in the age of cholera or they need farmhands, and unless it's the second coming of the Khan Empire, there's no need to lay enough seed for an army.

Turn To The Dark Side Of The Bass Clef

2011-12-09T02:14:00.000-08:00

Llama-rama

2011-12-08T16:15:00.000-08:00

Trump Stump

2011-12-08T15:50:00.001-08:00

Given his previous flirtation with the Oval Office, it comes as no surprise that The Donald would try to inject himself into the current race even as it's getting close to nomination time. And that's why he's the moderator for a debate hosted at the end of the month. I mean, ringleader for the debacle.

The "debate" is being hosted by Newsmax, who I've never heard of until now, but in their own words is, "the #1 conservative news agency online". I put that kind of credibility on par with model searches sponsored by Maybelline. Using Trump as the compass for leading the questioning doesn't add anything legitimate either. Of course, I'm not the only one who thinks that a pageant-mogul lacks class.

"The selection of a reality television personality to host a presidential debate that voters nationwide will be watching is beneath the office of the Presidency and flies in the face of that office’s history and dignity."

That was Ron Paul, who will not be "attending" the fracas. Trump responded publicly stating, "Ron Paul has zero chance of getting the nomination," as if the self-promoting huckster is also somehow a tastemaking pundit. Jon Huntsman is also not participating, and while they both may not be front-runners, they've certainly out-distanced the rest with integrity.

Trump said he would endorse a candidate for president sometime after the December 27th debate, and would not run for president unless "the wrong person gets in"...though he does not expect the wrong person will be chosen. Newt Gingrich told reporters, "Of course I want his endorsement," of the follicle-challenged moderator, who was conveniently beside him.

I think that Trump should get on the ticket if Newty gets the bid, because the only thing better than trainwreck is a spectacular trainwreck.

Old Will-waukee

2011-12-08T04:12:00.000-08:00

You're the Pabst Brewing Company (in Wisconsin), and Will Ferrell approaches you about making a series of commercials for Old Milwaukee beer for free - but, he wants to shoot them in Davenport, Iowa, and that's the only place they can be aired.

Yeah, they went for it.

He'll Fit Right In In Prison

2011-12-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

The San Bernadino-Riverside-Inland Empire area in the southeastern part of California is like the riviera for scumbags, inbreds, meth heads, and white trash (if you don't believe me, just listen to Henry Rollins about mixing it up with the locals here and here). So it comes as no surprise to read about a couple that was savagely beaten at their home for no apparent reason...by a naked, 300-pound bodybuilder.

Police say the couple came home late Saturday to find Ruben Arzu (22) naked on the front porch of their home in Colton. Arzu caused major head trauma to the husband when confronted, and while trying to call 911, the wife sustained facial injuries and multiple cuts to her head as Arzu picked her up and threw her around.

It took four police officers, two stun gun blasts and four sets of handcuffs to restrain Arzu, who was "apparently" under the influence of steroids and other drugs.

Arzu was booked on suspicion of attempted homicide and over-application of self-bronzer.

Coming To The Cleveland Hall Of Rock Whatever

2011-12-07T10:57:00.000-08:00

As we say time and again, awards and ceremonies are often popularity contests and don't reflect true achievement and merit, so the 2012 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees are no surprise.

Headlining the group is Guns N' Roses, followed by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The reset of the class is comprised of singer/songwriter Laura Nyro, Donovan, the Beastie Boys, and The Small Faces/The Faces (which included Rod Stewart and Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood). Donna Summer, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Heart, Rufus with Chaka Khan, Eric B. & Rakim, War, the Cure and the Spinners were on the ballot too but did not make the cut.

Admission is determined by more than 500 votes by a secret and select group of of music critics, historians and recording artists. Acts are eligible 25 years after the release of their first recording.

Given the selection, I can see why Joan Jett would get passed over, but even if Guns N' Roses and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are deserving, how can you put them in before Rush or KISS? Both have been eligible for more than a decade, and while not as hot a commodity, it does the "Hall of Fame" no service in credibility. Eric Clapton's three separate entries are excessive compared to who's been omitted...

There's still no Jethro Tull, Hall & Oates, The Doobie Brothers, Chicago, The Cars, The Moody Blues, King Crimson or Yes...and there are many, many more. And given the 36 members coming and going between the two bands, who the hell do you have play at that "all-star" jam?

From The Director Of The Professional And The Fifth Element

2011-12-07T04:20:00.000-08:00

Ad Min(imal)

2011-12-06T16:02:00.000-08:00

Realigned

2011-12-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

Last night the NHL Board of Governors approved a new four-conference format beginning in the 2012-13 season...because with two conferences of seven teams and two conferences of eight teams is better than two conferences with 15?

Much of the impetus to change the league structure was based the move from Atlanta to Winnipeg by the ~~Thrashers~~ Jets, and compounded by the long suffering complaints from Midwestern / Southern teams about travel and losing out on television airings. What could have been a simple swap between Winnipeg and either Detroit or Columbus to keep some geographical semblance of order, has become far more complicated.

Gone are the Eastern and Western Conferences with their evenly divided five team groups, each playing their four division rivals 24 times in the season, and the rest of their conference in forty games, filling in the remainder with the opposing conference. Now, every team will play a home-and-home set, and if you are in one of the eight team conferences, you'll play your rivals an uneven amount of times.

Also, the playoff format is not decided, though it is expected the top four teams per conference facing each other in the first two rounds of play, and then the conference champs meeting to determine the Stanley Cup final. While that may eliminate the issue of the top division leader getting a playoff spot even if other teams in the conference have more points but are not atop their group, it gives a clear advantage the seven-team conferences have over the eights to get a playoff berth.

I'm not a fan of this because the Kings are in an eight team conference. Plus if that format would have been in place last year, Dallas would have made the post-season with 95 points, and the LA Kings would have missed it with 98. are not in a seven-team conference. Sites have a deeper look at the pros and cons, and have even taken a look at how things would shake out if the playoffs started today under the new system, and it's not pretty.

Nunchucks II

2011-12-06T01:10:00.000-08:00

Yeah, there was also a Nunchucks I.

Worth 1000

2011-12-05T18:29:00.000-08:00

Tyree Callahan modified his 1937 Underwood Standard typewriter by removing the letter keys and replacing them with paint-soaked pads in order write a painting.

Cain Unable

2011-12-05T09:35:00.001-08:00

I've been trying to avoid the 2012 election until it becomes a two horse race because the Republican field is a goddamn convoluted mess. Newt Gingrich's campaign nearly exploded on the launch pad but now he's a front runner. Rick Perry showed up to become the darling of the moment, and lost his mojo. Mitt Romney - who I think will get the nom, has been up and down as each new challenger appears. Michelle Bachman, Ron Paul, and whomever else on the fringe, well, they keep things odd. And then there is, or was, Herman Cain.

The pizza baron and political neophyte who barnstormed the (useless) polls, has been plagued by allegations of sexual harassment and marriage infidelity, and announced over the weekend that he is officially suspending his campaign for presidency. Suspend is a political term for quitting. "As of today, with a lot of prayer and soul searching, I am suspending my presidential campaign," Cain said. "I am disappointed that it came to this point that we had to make this decision." Because he's accumulating so many accusers, eventually he'll be overwhelmed solely on their lost votes.

But he added, like all other failed politicos, that he has a new website and will be angling to stay relevant as a commentator and consultant. "I am not going away. I will continue to be a voice for the people." Well, not the ones he groped and harassed.

Thanks to Tea Party support and the lack of big name governors like Mitch Daniels and Chris Christie, Cain's stock rose, but not faster than his libido. Much as he was torpedoed by his past, his campaign was more hype than substance. Aside from huge gaffes like thinking China did not have nuclear capability, he did not have truly original ideas. Take his 9-9-9 Plan, which is not a countrywide phone discount, but a tax structure - and it is strangely similar to the set up in the Sim City game.It seems almost fitting that his exit speech concluded with something else unoriginal: "Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but it's never easy when there's so much on the line." That was cribbed from Pokemon 2000.

Herman Cain and his campaign, much like his Godfather's Pizza, did not reinvent anything - it just served up something that folks were excited and hungry for, and ultimately left them unsatisfied before they reached the end.

SHRIM!

2011-12-05T04:21:00.000-08:00

The Brinicle

2011-11-25T05:01:00.000-08:00

Gobble On

2011-11-24T03:10:00.000-08:00

Muppet Puppet People

2011-11-23T23:33:00.000-08:00

I don't really care for or get the wave of nostalgia associated with the return of the Muppets and their new movie coming out this week, but I can appreciate this casting of real people.

Elder Scrolls

2011-11-23T14:12:00.000-08:00

The Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered by a Bedouin shepherd in 1947, and are said to have been produced somewhere between the 3rd century B.C. and 70 A.D. The scrolls contain a wide variety of writings including early copies of the Hebrew Bible, along with hymns, calendars and psalms - and may now have an author.

Nearly 200 textiles were found in the same caves, and were similar to an archaeological site in nearby Qumran, leading scholars to believe that an ancient Jewish sect called the Essenes were involved in the scroll writing. All the textiles were made of linen, rather than wool - the preferred textile used in ancient Israel (you remember their commercials: "the look, the feel of ~~cotton~~ wool"), and were bleached white or lacked decoration, unlike other vividly colored fabrics from the period.

Naturally, not everyone agrees, and some think the scrolls were deposited in the caves by refugees fleeing the Roman army after Jerusalem was conquered in A.D. 70. Linen could have been chosen as scroll wrapping for religious reasons or perhaps because the priests responsible for storing the scrolls also wore linen clothing. The Essenes however, according to ancient Jewish writer Flavius Josephus, not ony lived in Qumran, but "made a point of keeping a dry skin and always being dressed in white". Touché!

Now if we could only figure out who wrote that other old religious text...

Operation: Red Retrieval

2011-11-23T01:53:00.000-08:00

This is a G.I. Joe movie I'd actually watch.

Medical Inefficacy

2011-11-22T17:20:00.000-08:00

Hospital officials at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center are insisting that Norman Smith stop using marijuana for at least six months, undergo random drug testing, and participate in weekly substance-abuse counseling before they will consider putting him back on a liver donor list...surely there's no good reason for him to be smoking weed.

Smith was diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer in 2009, and his oncologist approved medicinal marijuana to cope with the effects of chemotherapy. Though he became eligible for a liver transplant last year, he was removed from the list in February after a positive drug test. Nevermind that it's legal under California law and HIS DOCTOR FROM THEIR HOSPITAL PRESCRIBED IT.

Thankfully, Americans for Safe Access (a medical marijuana advocacy group) is bringing this hypocrisy to light. "Denying necessary transplants to medical marijuana patients is the worst kind of discrimination...Cedars-Sinai would not be breaking any laws, federal or otherwise, by granting Norman Smith a liver transplant, and it’s certainly the ethical thing to do."

Close Encounters Of The South Park Kind

2011-11-22T12:05:00.000-08:00

Apparently, Trey and Matt hide an alien somewhere in every episode.

Rippleface

2011-11-22T01:01:00.000-08:00

Because Megyn Kelly Is A Complete Moron

2011-11-21T16:52:00.000-08:00

Password Is Taco

2011-11-21T12:45:00.000-08:00

According to SplashData, a company that makes password management tools, there's are 2011's "worst passwords". They were obtained from password-dumps like when Sony was was "hacked", and don't specify if they're the worst becasue they're so obviously simple or common, or both. If you have any of these, may we suggest you change them...

1. password
2. 123456
3.12345678
4. qwerty
5. abc123
6. monkey
7. 1234567
8. letmein
9. trustno1
10. dragon
11. baseball
12. 111111
13. iloveyou
14. master
15. sunshine
16. ashley
17. bailey
18. passw0rd
19. shadow
20. 123123
21. 654321
22. superman
23. qazwsx
24. michael
25. football

Sadly, there are some are still on the list even though we put up another batch of poor choices in 2009.

Clearly Canadian

2011-11-21T05:27:00.000-08:00

Don't Mess With Texas

2011-11-18T13:53:00.000-08:00

Looks like The Austin Grand Prix is currently being run in San Antonio...at the Alamo.

~~The Galactic Emperor~~ Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone threatened to cancel the debut race from the 2012 calendar if organizers and developers can not reach a agreement by next week.

Construction was halted at the Circuit of the Americas track earlier in the week due to the absence of a contract. Tavo Hellmund of Full Throttle Productions put it bluntly, "The reason we don't have a contract with Formula One is because as a project, we have failed many times over to fulfill our financial obligations to Formula One. It's literally that simple".

Simple? So you can just fix it, right? "We were in breach on multiple issues as late as May. And he (Eccelstone) sent numerous requests and letters that we were all aware of how to fix it and we failed to do that." Apparently, the Circuit builders and Hellmund's company could not get their numbers aligned, and deals to buy the construction group out - or have Full Throttle be bought out, have not been reached.

Some point to the crowded, record 20-race calendar next year as eroding patience for the unsecured track, and the much easier to launch street-racing circuit in New Jersey for 2013, but in a multi-billion dollar international sport, it's about money, and you've got to play to play.

With the debacle of a six-car race at Indianapolis in 2005 and the failed launch of the USF1 team for 2010, Formula One and the U.S. still have a way to go before it's a cozy relationship.

The Inglorious Mr. Fox

2011-11-18T01:11:00.000-08:00

Your Future Has Been Filmed

2011-11-17T17:05:00.000-08:00

Douchebagborn

2011-11-17T14:41:00.000-08:00

When geeks fornicate, good decisions can not be guaranteed.

Megan and Eric Kellermeyer, who quantify themselves as a "gamer couple", determined their due date was 11/11/11, the same day as the release of the much-anticipated next chapter in the Elder Scrolls series, "Skyrim".

Having read a post on game developer Bethesda's blog suggesting that expectant parents consider naming their child "Dovahkiin", which means "Dragonborn" in the Skyrim world, they decided to prove they were unfit to be parents.

The post had the been made as a joke, with a disclaimer noting "Bethesda Softworks is not responsible for your parenting", but the company later added incentive to their sociological test. Anyone willing to name their child Dovahkiin would receive every one of the developer's games free for life, on top of other unnamed goodies. Wow, what's that come to over the expected lifespan of that company, maybe a dozen games at $50 each, and a few hundred dollars worth of tees and promo materials? Yeah, that's a fair trade.

Last Friday, Dovahkiin Tom Kellermeyer was born, and two assholes sold out their kid's life for some swag. In future news, Dovahkiin Kellermeyer was wanted in connection to the violent bludgeoning murder of his parents, Megan and Eric. Motive was not confirmed, but police suspected it was some form or retribution for years of scorn and taunting over his name.

Superhydrophobic

2011-11-17T02:08:00.000-08:00

2011-11-16T22:17:00.000-08:00

Though tonight is the last episode of their mini-season, there will be plenty of South Park to come.

Comedy Central has renewed the show for another three years beyond its current deal, stretching the series on through 2016, and extending its run to 20 seasons. Trey Parker and Matt Stone will continue to write, direct and edit every episode of South Park just as they have since the series’ premiere in 1997.

Screw You, Lulu

2011-11-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

Yuppiepunk was kind enough to collect some of the critical, uh, words about “Lulu,” the awful collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed. I had the misfortune of listening to a few tracks, and it was fucking terrible. Reed said, “It’s maybe the best thing done by anyone, ever. It could create another planetary system. I’m not joking, and I’m not being egotistical,” it was hardly the reaction by reviewers...

Rolling Stone: “Revels in dominatrix decadence and bodily fluids.”

Pitchfork: “For most of the record, Lou Reed and Metallica barely sound like they’re on the same planet, let alone in the same room.”

Chuck Klosterman: “If the Red Hot Chili Peppers acoustically covered the 12 worst Primus songs for Starbucks, it would still be (slightly) better than this.”

Washington Post: “An 85-minute misery delivery system.”

LA Times: “This morning when I woke up knowing that the entire day would be spent listening to the thing, I sighed, rolled over and went back to sleep.”

AV Club: “Like an iceberg deciding to start a band with the Titanic.”

The Quietus: “Time that could be more constructively spent watching the grass grow or perhaps wanking into a sock.”

Chicago Sun-Times: “The marriage of Reed’s thin, monotone voice to Metallica’s thick, monotone riffs — and an average song length of nearly nine minutes (including a 19-minute punishment at the end) — produces a listening experience that is never anything more than a dismal, grueling chore.”

Consequence of Sound: “It reads like a misguided Bukowski impersonation and sounds like field recordings taken from Guitar Centers across America.”

Pop Matters: “They let us down harder than the last episode of Seinfeld. Except far fewer people will forgive Metallica.”

By The Power Of Thor(ium)

2011-11-16T03:38:00.000-08:00

None More Black

2011-11-15T21:43:00.000-08:00

Now that they're not currently exploring space, NASA engineers directed their efforts locally, and have produced a material that absorbs more than 99 percent of the ultraviolet, visible, infrared, and far-infrared light that hits it.

The coating is a thin layer of carbon nanotubes about 10,000 times thinner than a strand of human hair. Grown on silicon, silicon nitride, titanium, and stainless steel, a thin layer of iron is positioned as an underlayer and then heated to near 1,382 degrees Fahrenheit. At the same time, the material is bathed in carbon-containing gas.

Currently, space instrument developers apply black paint to help prevent stray light from ricocheting off surfaces, but paints absorb only 90% of light that strikes it. Additionally, black paints do not remain black when exposed to cryogenic temperatures, and are mixed with conductive metal epoxies to keep them from losing their absorptive and radiative properties. This new super-black material could be used instead with greater efficiency while decreasing the weight of the coating, and instruments would be able to detect more faint wavelengths as the multiple frequencies of light are absorbed.

"It's robust, lightweight, and extremely black. It is better than black paint by a long shot."

The Best Carfax Results Ever

2011-11-15T12:35:00.000-08:00

You get a lot of surprises when you get a used vehicle, but rather than dodgy wiring or intermittent knocking, Charles Preston got half a mil in nose candy. Shit yeah that makes his minivan cooler!

The San Jose psychologist had taken the fulled loaded (pun intended) Chrysler to a mechanic for a brake check and had them check one of the windows that would not roll all the way down. When they removed the panel, found kilos of cocaine inside. Not a bad return on a $14,000 2008 model.

He bought the used van in May 2010 a year ago from Thrifty Car Sales in Santa Clara to ~~use as a rape van~~ haul food he pays for out of his own salary to feed people living on the street. Police have been unable to track down the cocaine's history or identify the dealers, mostly because they didn't leave a luggage tag on it. It previously had been owned by a rental car agency so it's conceivable someone who rented it packed it with cocaine.

Preston tried to return his van to Thrifty for one with less drugs, but was only offered a trade in the van at the current Blue Book value - about $4,000 less than he originally paid, since he'd put about 6,000 miles on the van. We'll, there's also $500,000 less coke in there too, so that is another depreciation.

2016

2011-11-15T03:44:00.000-08:00

Film Drunk breaks this masterpiece down:

•A Predator says something scary in a robot voice.

•This causes a young boy walking down a street somewhere to be attacked by a flying motorcycle, which cracks open his skull.

•A predator shoots a bullet from his chest and a dude dodges it, Matrix-style

•The predator throws a ninja star, which is also dodged.

•The ninja star continues flying, only to be stopped in mid-air by a TERMINATOR, who deflects it using some kind of forcefield.

•The Terminator pulls a Lamborghini out of thin air and throws it on top of a lady. The lady had been sitting in the middle of the street for some reason.

•A cell phone explodes

•A dude explodes

•The predator kicks a car

•A dude dodges the car

•The predator kicks him in the face

•THE PREDATOR KICKS A BABY!

•The trailer ends in mid shot.

Teh Kitteh Rok

2011-11-14T16:22:00.000-08:00

The kitten covers.

All The President's Women

2011-11-14T13:16:00.000-08:00

We know Vladimir Putin is super badass, but what about Dmitry Medvedev?

Russia's president (or presidential place holder) has something better than parliamentary backing - he's got a whole squad of ladies. Mevedev’s Girls is an organization that has pledged its support to their leader...while wearing sexy outfits. The group was allegedly formed in opposition to a similar group of hot women who support prime minister Putin. Recently, they've worn sexy schoolgirl outfits to support education initiatives and support Medvedev's ban on underage drinking with their bikinis. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see the pictures and study them intensely, but fortunately there are lots of them.

ISS Earth

2011-11-14T01:39:00.000-08:00

The Sound Of A Bat

2011-11-09T03:53:00.000-08:00

Deadus Maximus

2011-11-08T23:36:00.001-08:00

I was in 10th grade when I first heard GWAR, and those scumdogs from across the universe made me a fan of their blood-drenched slaughter orgies, which married cartoonish gore and filth with a sense of humor and heavy metal. Lots of folks have died in the last few days, but I was bummed to hear this recounted by Dave Brockie aka Oderus Urungus about their guitarist:

After a restless night spent hurtling through the desolate Canadian wilderness, I crawled from my bunk on the tour bus to face reality, grudgingly aware that the the dark dream that gripped us would not fade with the day. We have lost a brother, a husband, a son, and one of the most talented musicians that ever slung an ax. Cory Smoot, longtime lead guitar player for the band GWAR, has passed at the age of 34.

As the singer of GWAR and one of his best friends, I feel it is my duty to try and answer some of the questions that surround his tragic and untimely death. I know the sense of loss and pain is far greater in scope than in the insulated environment of a band on tour, and I will do my best to provide what clarity and comfort I can.

The most glaring question is how? And unfortunately that is the hardest question to answer. The truth will not be known until the medical officials have finished their work. All I can do is relate what we saw with our own eyes.

The last time I saw Cory was after our show in Minneapolis on Weds. night. It was a great show at First Avenue in Minneapolis, one of our favorite places to play. Cory was happy. He was excited about the band and especially the new studio he was building in the Slave Pit back in Richmond. He was deeply in love with his wife, Jamie, and was busily planning their family and future in the beautiful home they had. As usual, after some autographs and banter, I was probably the first person in their bunk as we got ready for a big drive into Canada, and Cory and the rest of the guys were not far behind. As I fell into the slumber that only playing GWAR shows can induce, everything seemed right in the world.

We found Cory the next morning as we collected passports for a border crossing. He was in his bunk, unresponsive, and it quickly was clear that he was dead. It was without a doubt the most horrible moment of my life. That’s all I can say about it.

Within moments everybody was off the bus, standing in a wind-swept parking lot in the middle of nowhere, trying to come to grips with the shock of it. First the ambulance arrived, and then the police, but there was nothing that could be done other than fully investigate the scene and remove Cory with care and respect.

We are completely devastated and shocked beyond belief. One night we had our friend and colleague, happy and healthy in the middle of our best tour in years- and the next morning, so suddenly, he was gone. Never have I seen starker proof of the fragility of life.

Cory will be transported home to Richmond over the next few days, and an announcement regarding services will be made soon. We ask everyone to respect the families wish for privacy, and especially to keep his wife, Jamie, in your thoughts and prayers.

As we work our way through these difficult days the question is — what will GWAR do? After a lot of consideration, we have decided to carry on with the tour. Although the great temptation would be to return home, curl into a fetal position, and mourn, we can’t do that. First off, Cory wouldn’t want that. He would want us to go on and would be pissed if we didn’t. Plus we know the fans don’t want us to quit. They are going to want a chance to come to grips with their loss, and there is no better place to do that than at a GWAR show. Though it’s hard to believe, I think we all would feel a lot worse if we stopped. For better or worse we have to see this through.

That doesn’t mean that Cory will make his final journey without us. When the arrangements have been finalized, Cory’s best friend and GWAR’s music tech Dave “Gibby” Gibson, and myself will return home to attend the services and pay the proper respects to our comrade.

Out of respect to Cory, we have officially retired the character of Flattus Maximus. Flattus has decided to return to his beloved “Planet Home”, and will never return to this mudball planet again. And this is a sadder place for that.

Just the other day I heard Cory tell a story about how some 20 years ago he was fourteen years old, at his first GWAR show, grabbing at the rubber feet of our then- current Flattus, and how blown away he was at the fact that now HE was the one getting his feet pulled by the same kid that he used to be. Cory was always in awe of the patterns of life and went through it with a wide-eyed amazement that translated through his playing. I’ve never known anyone who could pick up literally any instrument and rock it the first time he touched it, and more than that make it look easy. Behind that rubber monster outfit, and sometimes even obscured by it, was one of the most talented and beautiful people I have ever known. I know everyone who’s life was touched by Cory truly loved him, as do we, his bandmates and brothers.

There should be some kind of announcement soon regarding services, etc. It would be great to have a memorial show at some point soon, where some of the bands that Cory worked with could come together and show their love for this truly amazing man who left us all too soon and will be sorely missed by many, many people.

Post-Modern Warfare

2011-11-08T15:02:00.000-08:00

It's not the start of the holiday blitz of new video games unless there's a big title with something controversial, and this year's first entry is is literally blowing up with attention.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 could be a billion dollar property by the end of the year, but will a leaked scene where a child is reduced to mist going to steal the headlines? In the series, players fight Russian terrorists, and one of the cut scenes shows a young girl playing in the street suddenly killed by a truck exploding. The scene is here, and it's really not as graphic as the media is making it out to be. Yeah, the kid is playing one minute, and the next there's a car bomb, but all you get is the explosion and smoke, not random kiddie parts flying around.

As I noted when Modern Warfare 2 came out two years ago, gamers played a sequence where they participated in the massacre of innocent civilians at a Russian airport, and that game went on to sell more than 22 million copies worldwide. If people really want to have their sensibilities offended, they should focus on the awesome Saints Row 3 coming out next week.

Skinemax

2011-11-08T02:01:00.000-08:00

It's like an medley from my childhood.

From Hell...Or Wales

2011-11-07T17:33:00.000-08:00

A new book by the descendant of the royal surgeon of Queen Victoria may reveal the identity of the elusive Jack The Ripper. Hint: it's the royal surgeon of Queen Victoria.

Tony Williams, the great-great-great-great nephew of Sir John Williams, found a six inch black blade amongst the possessions passed down through the generations. Normally, that wouldn't be cause for suspicion, except it matched a weapon description set by the case pathologist, Thomas Bond, who was considered the first criminal profiler (or alienist) in history. That, and along with the knife were three glass slides containing slices of uterus.

The doctor had a surgery in London's Harley Street the time of the murders, and Williams believes that weapon was used in the murder of five prostitutes between August and November 1888. The motive? Frustration his wife couldn't have children, and that he was trying to find a cure for her infertility, which becomes more plausible when you look at the expertly cut open and disemboweled victims - and two who had their uterus's missing.

Uncle Jack - A Victorian Mystery is out now, so anybody who reads it, please let me know if we can stop looking for Saucy Jack and focus our efforts on the abominable snowman.

Grumpy Dead Man

2011-11-07T10:51:00.000-08:00

I'm moved by the passing of Andy Rooney - not because he had any particular insight, but moved to some slight joy that there is no longer someone to complain about the most trivial things, and whose whining was more insufferable than the subject he was taking issue with. Warming Glow eulogized him perfectly:

"Rooney was an unremarkable, cranky bore whose bitching about simple annoyances struck a nerve with other aging white people who were frightened by or opposed to change. His view of America was essentially a collection of Rockwell paintings, and he complained about any facet of life that strayed from that impossible vision. When technological developments improved commerce or people’s lives, Rooney only saw the inconvenience of learning something new. In every TV appearance of his that I saw, he came off to me as intellectually incurious, and he happily took a paycheck from CBS for 60 years while brushing away the fans who sent him letters or tried to approach him in public. I don’t understand why people who didn’t know him should stop and mourn a man who never cared for people he didn’t know.

Rest in peace, Andy Rooney. The world has moved on."

Full Trip At Halftime

2011-11-07T01:15:00.000-08:00

Parallax, Or When Portals Become Monochromatic

2011-11-01T01:35:00.000-07:00

The Candy Hierarchy

2011-10-31T23:28:00.000-07:00

(click for delicious details)

We're A Costume, Not A Culture

2011-10-31T14:49:00.000-07:00

Phoenix Coyotes forward Raffi Torres attended his team's annual Halloween party as Jay-Z, while his wife was done up as Beyonce. Oh, and by the way, he's not black and neither is she.

As one of my favorite hockey blogs Puck Daddy pointed out, Torres was "immediately criticized and demonized" as a knee-jerk reaction for going in what some felt was blackface. Believe it or not, Torres is the NHL's first Mexican / Peruvian player, and dealt with racial conflict as he grew up while he played youth hockey in Toronto (his mother was told that Raffi "should be selling tacos" and his father once tacked another hockey parent because of taunts).

Similarly in 2009, players Adam Burish and Patrick Kane went to a Halloween party dressed as Dennis Rodman and Scottie Pippen of the Chicago Bulls, with darkened skin. Despite the backlash, neither player offered an apology, and neither should Torres, who is nothing more than a huge Jay-Z fan.

Adds Puck Daddy, "The offensive nature of "blackface" is rooted in its representation of a racist archetype. Clearly, the...players were dressed and made up as real people rather than a stereotype manifested through exaggerated appearance. Other than the color of their skin, there's nothing stereotypical or embellished about their appearance as black men. It could be argued that their skin tone is as relevant as the jersey or fake tattoos."

Perhaps it's the sensitivity spawned from a recent Ohio University ad campaign dealing with costumes that focus on different cultures, but as a costume alone, what's really offensive about it? We'll wait for you to come up with something...

Who's Afraid Of...?

2011-10-31T01:44:00.000-07:00

Metallikid

2011-10-10T01:50:00.000-07:00

He's Gangster, On The Real

2011-10-07T01:00:00.000-07:00

And The Winner For Best Costume Is...

2011-10-06T22:55:00.000-07:00

In honor of the documentary they'll be running Sunday on how South Park gets made in less than a week, here's a little behind-the-scenes story about those guys...

Back in 2000, creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone went to the Oscars wearing the same dresses that had previously been worn by Jennifer Lopez and Gwyneth Paltrow to the show. And how did they get the courage to pull it off? They took acid.

"We thought of it the week before...we had tuxes as a backup because we thought we were gonna chicken out, and we did," said Trey Parker. " And we were like, ‘Let’s not do that, let’s not do that.’ But then we were like, 'Let’s take a little bit of acid.' So we did that and of course an hour later we were like, 'WE GOTTA WEAR THE DRESSES'." Added Matt Stone, "It made that whole thing just make sense."

This video from Jimmy Kimmel Live details the event.

Active Cultures

2011-10-06T15:25:00.000-07:00

A grocery store worker accused of handing out a semen-tainted yogurt sample at an Albuquerque market pleaded guilty. And that's why I never take anything off those tester stands.

Anthony Garcia admitted he "tainted" a the sample at Sunflower Market in January, and also put some semen on the plastic spoon he placed with the yogurt. His finishing move was to offer a female customer a sample. He pleaded guilty to charges of adulterating food and making false statements to federal investigators. And I had no idea that you could adulterate food. Or that it was illegal.

The woman spit the sample on the floor several times and wiped her mouth on the garment, which she was wearing to get the taste out of her mouth. Investigators collected samples of the woman's spit from the floor and took the garment she was wearing as evidence. They were instrumental in linking Garcia to the yogurt via DNA, but man, that is a pretty shitty job to have.

Garcia faces up to three years of imprisonment to be followed by three years of supervised release. He has been in federal custody since his arrest in July, and was also terminated from his job.

Want To See A Dead Lion Roar?

2011-10-06T03:36:00.000-07:00

You can watch from the begining and check out parts two, three and four.

iObit

2011-10-05T17:59:00.000-07:00

Pancreatic cancer sucks, and now there's no more Edison vs. Tesla (though they took sweet pictures). Fortunately, we have the legacy and iMovie.

PS. Apple stock as of 4:00pm ET today: 378.25 +5.75‎ (1.54%‎)...I'm guessing it drops 10% by end of day tomorrow

PPS. via Buckey: Elton John just confirmed he will sing "Candle App in the Wind."

The Race Is Off

2011-10-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin announced today that she will not run for president, claiming she'd be to tired if she ran from Alaska to the White House.

After months of speculation, she made her decision "after much prayer and serious consideration", which, if you're praying a lot to make a decision, then you'd better consider that seriously bad.

"My decision is based upon a review of what common sense Conservatives and Independents have accomplished, especially over the last year," she said. And other than creating a crowded field of sub-par candidates and birthing the most disliked political party since the National Socialists, that would be what? Palin concluded with the thought that she could "be more effective in a decisive role to help elect other true public servants to office — from the nation’s governors to Congressional seats and the Presidency." I'd say the only way that was possible would be if she was aligned with the Democrats, because she'd political poison.

It really came as no surprise after Palin failed to announce in September — her one-time, self imposed deadline. She also indicated that the White House may not be in her wheel house, suggesting the presidential title might be too "shackle-y". Aside from not being a real word, you're too fucking incompetent for the most powerful office in the world if it's got too many "constraints".

Of course, as of yesterday Palin aides still did not know whether she was running and were calling various states to find out filing deadlines for the primaries. And that's what you get for surrounding yourself with simpletons and idiots. The aides, though I could see how you thought I could be talking about the GOP.

Let's All Get The Same Girl Pregnant Tonight!

2011-10-05T01:26:00.000-07:00

Just blasted through both seasons of The League in anticipation of Season 3, starting tonight after It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

They Might Be Giants, Rip Torn, And Bare Knuckle Fighting

2011-10-05T01:03:00.000-07:00

It's no "Particle Man", but the combination of the three form the basis of the interweb.

Guerra De Las Galaxias

2011-10-04T20:43:00.000-07:00

Via John Karpinsky's Etsy...

Dead Lapre

2011-10-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

Super-swarmy infomercial pitchman Don Lapre killed himself in prison this weekend, while awaiting trial for 41 counts of fraud and money laundering. The cause of death? Tiny classified ads.

Nearly a quarter million customers and investors sunk close to $52 million in Greatest Vitamin in the World of Phoenix, but only 5,000 victims were paid about $6.4 million in commission checks for selling vitamins and recruiting others to the business, while Lapre collected over $2.2 million between 2004 and 2007.

Mid-June, Lapre failed to show up for his arraignment, but was arrested later that month at a Life Time Fitness location, where he had reportedly lived for two days...and with serious self-inflicted knife wounds to his groin, . The wounds led authorities to believe Lapre was trying to commit suicide while at the Lifetime Fitness center by attempting to sever the femoral artery in his legs. Not quite the response from a guy who once said "...I really don't give a rat's ass about what people think about me."

Deleted Scenes From X-Men First Class

2011-10-04T02:22:00.000-07:00

Science vs. Delirium

2011-10-03T21:48:00.001-07:00

Simon Bent mixes LSD and PhDs.

Yo Dick, Yo Weed Be Safe

2011-10-03T14:17:00.000-07:00

Governor Jerry Brown signed a flurry of bills as he headed towards an October 9th deadline, keeping your junk and your stash cool..and I'm not saying which is your junk and which is your stash.

Brown has hundreds more on his desk, but signed 44 measures and vetoed four bills Sunday, and among the laws he signed was creating new penalties for the sale of synthetic cannabis products. The strange but interesting part is that, while the products have effects similar to marijuana, the penalties for them now outweigh those for selling small amounts of weed. Anyone selling the synthetic could be fined $1,000 and face up to six months in jail, while sales of less than 28 ounces of marijuana carry no jail time and a maximum fine of $100.

The other major bill passed keeps local ordinances from prohibiting circumcision. It was drafted in response to a proposed San Francisco ballot measure that would have prohibited any foreskin cutting that was "not deemed medically necessary" in that city. While the proposed ordinance was struck from the ballot in June and a similar measure proposed in Santa Monica was later pulled back (pun?), this effectively keeps others from forcing parents to dress their boys in turtlenecks. And whether you personally would choose that for yourself or your child, parental rights and liberties are more important than your creepy fascination with other people's kid's dicks.

Breaking Fever

2011-10-03T02:09:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when Rybot plays a song all weekend and it gets stuck in your head...

Dollar Dollar Bills

2011-09-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

In the House Of Representatives, there is a movement to replace the traditional $1 bill with metal coins. While I like the idea of winging strippers with chunky coins, it's just not practical...

The Currency Optimization, Innovation and National Savings (COINS) Act (how clever) last week, which would require the Federal Reserve Banks to end production of the $1 paper currency within four years of passage.

The nonpartisan Government Accountability Office found that replacing paper money with coins would save the federal government $5.5 billion over the next three decades, but there's a counter-bill to keep that from happening. The Currency Efficiency Act is aimed at preserving the paper dollar bill due to lack of demand for the coin. In fact, there are over $1 billion worth of extra $1 coins sitting idle in vaults, set to double over the next several years.

Let's not get too political, but it should be mentioned that Crane & Co, the company contracted to supply the paper used to make American currency, is based in Massachusetts, where the bi-partisan paper currency measure's authors are also from.

ThunderLOLCats

2011-09-30T03:54:00.000-07:00

Dap Bros

2011-09-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

Henry The Worst and some best buds.

2011-09-29T13:16:00.000-07:00

Reebok has agreed to pay $25 million to settle unsupported claims their "toning shoes" could make fat asses less so.

Reebok's advertisements said the shoes strengthened hamstrings and calves by up to 11% more than regular sneakers, and toned the buttocks up to 28% more. That was based on clever salesmen, and not any real studies.

The ads were pulled once an investigation was launched into the claims, though Adidas, who owns Reebok, disagreed with the FTC and stood behind the shoes. The toning shoes were designed to be slightly unstable, and the instability requires the wearer to work harder, thus strengthening muscles. But 11 to 28 percent more?

Since 2009, they've sold millions of pairs in the United States alone, which likely covers the consumer refunds. Competitors like New Balance, Skechers, Ryka and Avia sell similar types of footwear that can fetch up to $300...and lawsuits are forthcoming regarding their products.